Truce or Consequences
by King in Yellow
Summary: Fate and threats force foes to cooperate. While Kim and Shego discover they can get along if they have to Ron and Drakken must live by their wits as they face a grueling series of… Those two are in real trouble. Not Best Enemies universe.
1. Truce or Dare

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

** Truce or Dare**

The hot, arid wind of the Beserkistan summer howled through the opening the hovercraft had punched in the roof, depositing sand and grit on the two women fighting in the cavernous concrete room.

Another kick from Shego sent Kim back into the wall, again. "What's the matter, Pumpkin," the green woman taunted, "out late partying with Doofus?"

Kim rose without answering and charged, only to be knocked down by a punch. The redhead gingerly felt her lip. It didn't appear to be bleeding too badly.

Shego stood a few feet away, making no effort to kick Kim while the cheerleader was down, and staying far enough away that Kim couldn't attack. "All right, Princess. I don't mind beating you bloody in a fair fight, but this isn't one. I don't tear the wings off flies. What in the hell is wrong with you? I swear; Mama Lipsky could clean your clock today."

Kim tried to rise, and Shego leapt over and shoved the cheerleader, hard. "Stay down!" Shego ordered, then walked eight meters away. "Look, I'm sitting down. Where is your head? It's sure as hell not in this fight - and you get up again I may end up handing it to you by accident."

Kim remained silent.

"Okay, I'll guess… Let's see… Did Princess just find out she's pregnant?" the green woman sneered.

Kim remained silent.

"Didn't get in to the college of your choice?"

Kim remained silent.

"Help me here, Pumpkin. Is it bigger than a breadbox?"

Kim started crying. Shego felt confused. She didn't mind taunting her foe, but didn't know how to respond to tears. "What's wrong?"

Maybe it was the change in Shego's tone of voice. Perhaps Kim simply needed to let out what she was feeling. "Dad… in hospital… He…" she couldn't continue.

"Your dad's in the hospital? What happened? Is he going to be all right?"

"Accident… Research Center… Don't know."

There was a moment of stunned silence, and then Shego grew angry. "What in the hell are you doing here if your father's in the hospital?" she shouted.

"Had to stop Drakken. I-"

"Stop Drakken? You had to stop Drakken? Put your brain in gear, Princess. Dr. D hasn't had a good idea in years. Look at this place! If the Soviets had anything of value here they took it with them when they left. The Beserkistani stripped this place of everything that wasn't fastened down and… Hell, they even stripped out the stuff that was fastened down and sold it for scrap. It's a Goddamn empty warehouse! Get your ass in the hovercraft!"

"What?"

"I said, get your ass in the hovercraft. I'm taking you home."

"But-"

"Now!" Shego screamed. "You can get in by yourself or, swear to God, I'll knock you out and tie you up for the trip. Get in."

Kim picked herself off the floor and headed for the craft. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because you need to be home and were too stupid to stay there. I told you, I don't mind beating you up in a fair fight but… Besides, your dad was decent to me - except for that circus folk thing… What was that all about?"

"I don't know. I really don't want to talk about it now. I… You're taking me back to Middleton?"

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it now. It's a long flight to Middleton. We've got a truce, but it only lasts until I get you home - then we're the same enemies we've always been."

"Ron-"

"Stays here. My truce is with you. No fighting 'til I get you home. I'm not letting the two of you gang up on me if this is some kind of trap."

"No trap, I… Thanks. Let me tell Ron I'm leaving. He can call Wade for a ride."

"Fine, I'd better warn Drakken too."

The hovercraft flew through the now empty doorways large enough to drive Soviet-made trucks through. They found the two men tentatively fighting in what might have been a lab in the past - given the amount of broken glass among the debris on the floor.

"Shego, get me out of here," the blue man called. "This might have been a wasted trip."

"Well, duh," the green woman snapped back. "I told you that before we left the US. I'll be back for you as soon as I can. I'm taking Princess home to her mommy."

"What?" Drakken sputtered.

"Yeah, what he said," Ron seconded.

"Uh-huh?" Rufus added.

"I said I'm taking Princess home to her mommy."

"I think I'm fine, Ron," Kim yelled to her boyfriend. "She says we've got a truce until she gets me home."

"But she-"

"She was beating me. She stopped. Call Wade. Ask him to set up a ride back to Middleton for you."

Shego engaged the acceleration control and the hovercraft sped up so quickly the unprepared redhead was thrown back into her seat as the craft left the men and naked mole rat behind.

"But, Kim," Ron called, "I lost…" He realized the craft was too far away for Kim to hear him.

Drakken stared in disbelief as his hovercraft and assistant disappeared from view. "Oh, snap!" he muttered.


	2. Paved with Good Intentions

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns all the characters from Kim Possible. Any registered trade names property of their owners.

** Paved with Good Intentions**

Ron and Drakken stared at the opening through which Kim and Shego had departed in the hovercraft. After a moment of silence Drakken spoke, "Take me with you."

"No."

"You have to take me with you."

"No, I-"

"You're not leaving without me," Drakken blustered. "This is Beserkistan. The Soviets built this here because if it blew up the Turkmen, Tajiks-"

"Gesundheit!"

"And Kazakhs-"

"Gesundheit!"

"What's with the 'gesundheit'?"

"You sneezed."

"No I didn't!"

"It sounded like it."

Drakken slapped his forehead in exasperation. "I'm trying to tell you that if the Soviets accidentally blew Beserkistan off the map the neighbors would throw their hands in the air, shout 'Hallelujah!' and dance a hora. When the USSR broke up General Daryush declared himself the Exalted and Supreme Dictator for Life. Rumor is that he has the feet cut off trespassers. You have to take me with you."

"I can't."

"You'd really leave me here? Aren't you heroes supposed to have an ethical code?"

"I just can't-"

"Lose your decoder ring? If the army shows up I'll claim you're my accomplice. They shoot first and don't ask questions later."

"You really don't understand. I'm trying to tell you I just can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I… uh, lost my communicator."

Drakken blinked. "You lost your communicator? I'll help you look. Where did we start fighting today?"

"I didn't lose it today… I, uh, lost it two weeks ago."

"But Kim Possible said you should-"

"I didn't tell her I lost it. I was going to ask Wade for a new one, but I couldn't 'cause I lost my communicator."

"Why wouldn't you tell her?"

"Well it was in my back pocket, and I was in the bathroom at school and it sorta fell out and-"

"And you wouldn't reach in after it?"

"Would you?"

"No."

"So, they, uh… chop the feet off trespassers?"

"That's the rumor. I don't intend to stay and find out."

Ron thought for a minute, "So, can I come with you? You have some kind of escape plan?"

"I didn't think I'd need one… Tell you what, I'll hire you as my evil assistant."

"I don't do evil."

"I'm an evil genius. I require an entourage. If you want to come with me I have a position open for an evil assistant."

"And I said I don't do evil. How about we're partners until we get out of here?"

"I don't need a partner," Drakken sneered as he reached into his pocket. "Not when I have this!"

Ron flinched, wondering what sort of weapon the blue man would produce.

"Visa Platinum," Drakken explained, waving the card in the air. "I can rent a car, buy train tickets… I could buy tickets on a plane. Partner? I don't need no steenkin' partner."

"What's the job description for evil assistants," Ron sighed.

"Well, mostly you provide a sounding board - someone who listens as I explain my fiendish plans. Then you tell me how brilliant I am."

"Like Shego?"

"Exactly, I… Are you being sarcastic? Sarcasm is a very unfortunate trait in evil assistants."

"Can I tell her you said that?"

"No! She steals for me and fights Kim Possible. I assume you won't do either of those for me."

"That's right."

"Then you will listen to my plans and assure me they are wonderful."

Ron shrugged; if he heard Drakken's plans he'd know better how to help stop them. "Okay, Boss."

"First order. Never, and I repeat, never tell Shego what I said about sarcasm… It might spoil my fine working relationship with her."

"Or she might give you a wedgie."

"That too. Am I clear?"

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

Ron sighed, "Yes, Boss."

Drakken grinned. "Good… Now let's rent a car or something and get out of here."

It was a couple hot kilometers into Daryushabad. Ron used the time walking in to ask, "Why did you come out here?"

"It was the Soviet's top lab for secret weapons. I thought, with the USSR gone, I could load up."

"And you thought the weapons would still be there… Where did you hear about it?"

"Some program on the History Channel… Right after a show about looking for Bigfoot in Ohio, and-"

"If there're TV shows about it, doesn't it strike you that everyone would know?"

"Bad evil assistant. If everyone knows about it, then no one would raid the place because they would assume it had been emptied already. So since everyone thought it would be empty I knew it would be full."

"Except for the fact it was empty."

"I warned you, you are being a bad evil assistant."

"Yes, Boss," Ron sighed.

The two found Honest Jahandar's Used Cars at the edge of the city. Drakken approached the man inspecting cars in the lot. "I need something dependable, but not too expensive."

"Are you looking for something with room to pack explosives so you can blow yourself up?"

"Uh, no."

The Beserki looked Drakken over, then gestured down the row of autos. "There is a late model BMW. Very dependable. If you don't mind some bullet holes in the body and dried blood on the seats."

"Uh, no thanks."

"How about a GAZ 24-01? It's older, but well maintained. It was owned by a little old KGB colonel who only drove it to the prison to torture people."

Drakken nodded, "Fine. I need it-"

"Don't sound so eager," Ron whispered. "You're supposed to haggle over the price."

"Uh, what I meant to say," Drakken yawned. "I might, repeat, _might_ be interested. What's the cost?"

"How do you plan to pay?"

Drakken showed the man his credit card. The native looked suspicious. "I need to see if that is legitimate. There are so many fake cards these days."

"And check my credit limit," Drakken guessed.

The man made a palms up gesture, "One can't be too careful."

Drakken handed over the card and the man headed in the direction of the office as the blue man went to look over the Soviet made car.

After twenty minutes without the man coming back Drakken and Ron headed for the office themselves. "Where is the salesman who was on the lot just now?"

"What salesman?" an older man in traditional Beserki garb asked.

"The man I was talking to about buying the GAZ?"

"There is no salesman. Only me."

"I gave him my credit card! I… Oh, snap! Why are there so many crooks in the world?"

Ron looked worried, "We need to get out of the country, remember?"

"South is the nearest border," Drakken said, "that way." He pointed north.

"I think it's that way," Ron suggested, and pointed west.

"Nu-huh," Rufus chattered and pointed south. Jahandar seconded Rufus.

"Oh," Ron commented as the two left Daryushabad in their rearview mirror… Or rather, would have left Daryshabad in the mirror had they been in a car instead of on foot, "It's partners."

"But I need an evil assistant! No one takes you seriously as a villain if you don't have henchmen."

"Partners."

"Please, Donald?"

"Ron, the name is Ron! And it's partners… At least until we're out of here."

An hour and a half later they crossed the border. There were no guards at the border crossing. Soldiers placed on the border tended to desert the army for a better life. Seventeen percent of the Beserki army now drive taxis in major cities throughout Europe and the United States. The men gave each other a high five for their escape.

"This will be an adventure," Ron predicted.

"Surviving in the wild."

"Living by our wits."

Rufus put his paws over his eyes and groaned.


	3. The Truce of the Matter

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns the characters from the Kim Possible series. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**The Truce of the Matter**

The two women remained silent for almost half an hour, each deep in her own thoughts. Kim spoke first, "Thanks, I-"

"Don't mention it."

"Really, it means-"

"I said don't mention it. I mean it. I don't want you thinking I've gone soft. I don't want you claiming you weren't trying because you owed me one when I beat you. Just shut up."

"If I can't thank you, can I ask why you-"

"No. You can shut up. This isn't about me. Not about me at all. It's about your dad and you being too stupid to realize you needed to stay there instead of going half way around the world to foil Drakken's lamest plan in two years."

"Yeah," Kim sighed, "I probably should have stayed in Middleton. But it was so frightening, seeing him there in the hospital. There was nothing I could do. I had to do something, anything, just to get out and-"

"Wrong! You stay there with him and your mom."

"And I can't understand why you-"

"Swear to God, Princess, last warning. You keep trying to talk about me and I land this thing and kick you out - and I damn well don't care if we're over the Pacific. Shut up about me. This isn't about me. It's about getting you home. Is that clear?"

Kim said nothing.

"I said, is that clear?"

"It's clear. I just don't understand why I'm-"

"You don't need to understand a damn thing. I'm taking you to Middleton and you aren't thanking me. You aren't asking me why I'm doing it. You don't think I'm going soft, and you sure as hell don't think I want to be your friend. You just shut up if you feel the urge to say any sentence with the word 'you' in it."

There were several minutes of uncomfortable silence before Shego spoke. "If you feel a need to flap your lips you can tell me what happened to your dad. It's none of my damn business and if you want to tell me to go to hell for asking that's okay. But I'm curious. He seemed so healthy… You said there was some kind of an accident at the Research Lab?"

"Yeah, a rupture in a pipe carrying some new fuel started spraying the room. The stuff was really toxic. Dad took off his coat and wrapped it around the break, gave others a chance to get out…"

"But got soaked himself… The poison absorbed right through the skin?" Kim nodded. "What did the doctors think?"

"Doctor's aren't sure. They're keeping him sedated and hooked up to a dialysis machine. It scared me to see him with all the tubes… I… They weren't sure. One of my Mom's friends at the hospital guessed about a twenty-five percent chance of him dying, a fifteen percent chance of being fine, and a sixty percent chance of living with some kind of long term problem… Could be near the death end and mean watching him die slowly, could be by the fine end and some little thing only his doctor would ever know."

"Damn it! You should have stayed with your Mom!"

"I know!" Kim snapped, "And I don't need you laying a guilt trip on me! I feel bad enough already!"

Kim's comment startled Shego. "Sorry," the green woman mumbled.

"It's okay." Kim thought she might have seen tears in the other woman's eyes. She had no idea what it might have been about and decided to pretend she hadn't noticed.

After another long stretch of uncomfortable mostly silence Kim offered, "I'll give you a break if you want to show me how to pilot this thing."

"Do I look weak?"

"I didn't say you were weak. Jeez, you're really touchy."

"I don't think Drakken wants you to know how to pilot this."

"Just thought I'd offer… Can I help pay for gas?"

That actually brought a chuckle from Shego. "Take a nap, Possible. You probably need it and that way we don't have to talk with each other."

Kim sighed, "I won't say thanks, because you told me not to. But if I could, I would."

"Just take your nap," Shego growled, but Kim sensed no threatening tone. Certain she'd never be able to sleep Kim leaned back and closed her eyes.

Shego's bark, "Wake up!" startled Kim.

The redhead rubbed her eyes, "Where are we?"

"Few minutes from Middleton. Tell me where to find the hospital. I'll set you down there and the truce is over."

Kim looked over; the older woman appeared tired. "You could use some sleep yourself." Shego opened her mouth to speak, Kim guessed it was to claim that she had accused Shego of being weak. "That wasn't a dig. It's a long flight. Land at my place. I'll drive to the hospital, you can sleep in the guest room."

"Truce ends when you're back in Middleton, remember?"

"How about we extend it until you get up from a nap? I won't even be home to bother you. I mean; you wouldn't be tired if you hadn't brought me home. I'm not saying thanks, I'm just trying to be fair."

"Being fair is going to get you killed someday," Shego yawned. "But, thanks, I think I'll take you up on the offer… Truce goes to the end of my nap?"

"Cross my heart."

The kitchen was a mess when they got in the house. "Probably my brothers," Kim grumbled. "I'll bet Mom's been at the hospital the whole time."

"Well get your ass to the hospital and give her a break."

"Yeah. Hey, help yourself to anything you can find to eat. I'll leave a note telling the Tweebs to keep it down so you can sleep - and not to call the police."

"Thanks," Shego yawned, and headed for the guest room.

Anne Possible appeared exhausted when Kim entered the ICU room and gave her mother a hug.

"How is he?" were Kim's first words.

"The same," Anne told her. Kim looked disappointed at the news. "The same is good. It means he's stable. If there was organ failure he'd be getting worse."

"So, same is good?"

"Under the circumstances, yes."

"Oh, Shego is at the house."

"What?"

"She brought me home. Called me seven kinds of idiot for not staying with you and stopped the fight to bring me back. We had a truce 'til she brought me back, but she was so tired I suggested she sleep in the guest room before going back for Drakken. We extended the truce 'til she's done with her nap. She's stayed with us before so I didn't think you'd mind."

"Not if she brought you home."

"Have you been home yourself?"

"No."

"You need some sleep too. I'll stay… The house is a wreck. Go to bed and sleep. Don't do any cleaning. The Tweebs made the mess, they should clean it up."

"Your brothers are worried about your father too, they-"

"I didn't say they weren't. I said you need your sleep. Go home and go to bed. Don't worry about the kitchen. Daughter's orders."

They talked a few more minutes. Kim told her mother about the mission and Shego's odd behavior. Anne brought Kim up to date on the doctors' opinions, which hadn't changed since Kim left.

"Hey, I said you need to go home and sleep," Kim reminded her mom.

"Thanks," Anne told her daughter as she headed for the door.

"And maybe you should take a taxi home," Kim called, "You don't look like you should be driving."

As he got off the bus Jim Possible whined to his brother, "I hate hospital rules. What do they mean, we're too young to visit in the Intensive Care Unit?" It was the one-hundred and seventeenth time he had voiced the complaint that day.

"Do they think we're going to hurt dad or something?" his brother Tim echoed. Tim had voiced the same complaint himself one hundred and thirty one times.

"Hey, look, there's a flying saucer in the back yard!"

"What?"

"Right there. Must be the thing that blue guy, Drakken, flies."

"Kim must be back. She probably took the saucer after she beat Drakken and Shego."

"Sweet… I'll bet she left it here for us to look at. Let's get our tools."

"You really think she left it here for us to look at?"

Jim shrugged, "That's what we'll tell her when she asks."

"Sounds good to me. We'd better get to work - she could get home from the hospital any time."


	4. The Road to Happiness, or Not

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners.

**The Road to Happiness, or Not  
**

"My feet hurt," Drakken complained as the two trudged down an unpaved road.

"You could go back to Beserkistan. Your feet wouldn't hurt any more," Ron suggested.

"Sore feet and sarcasm," the blue man moaned. "Trouble comes in threes - it will probably start to rain."

"In this heat? Rain would be a blessing. Look for a plague of frogs."

"Or lice… At least we don't have to worry about the death of our firstborn sons. Twelve plagues?"

"No, ten plagues. Twelve days of Christmas."

As the walked they gave themselves credit for eight of the ten plagues. They couldn't move past seven swans a swimming in the days of Christmas with confidence, although Ron claimed there were ladies dancing somewhere and people jumping around and Drakken would have bet money on drummers appearing. They only managed six of the seven dwarves and were running through the list for the twentieth time when an old truck pulled over and the driver shouted something in what they guessed was Russian. "Sorry, we only speak English," Ron shouted back.

"You English?" came the return call.

"Not English, Americans," he answered.

"Shouldn't have told him that," Drakken hissed. "Should have said we're Canadian. Everyone loves Canadians."

"I thought everyone loves Americans," Ron whispered.

"You don't read the newspaper, do you?"

Ron drew himself up with pride, "I read the comics and sports sections every day. Go ahead, ask me any question about Brewster Rocket."

The driver of the truck wasn't sure what the two were arguing about.

"Where you headed?"

"Away from Daryushabad," Ron called, to Drakken's disgust in case they had encountered the world's only happy Beserkistani.

"You really Americans you get in back, I give you ride my village." As Drakken and Ron made themselves comfortable amid sacks of coffee, flour, sugar, and boxes of canned goods the man asked, "You have wives in US maybe?"

"No, we're not married."

The man smiled, "We make big party for American guests."

Drakken gloated as they bounced along in the back of the truck, "Shego says I couldn't survive without her."

"Know the feeling," Ron sighed. "Kim never appreciates the good stuff I do."

Drakken didn't mention the lost communicator as the two men exchanged a high-five for their success.

The feast that evening was huge. Ron and Drakken sat near Namdar, obviously the head of the extended family. Ron wasn't sure whether the correct term might have been tribe or clan. He regretted eating so much halwa as the courses kept coming. Like some of the diners he used his fingers, right hand only, to eat the plov - rice, shredded vegetables, and mutton. Drakken preferred to use lipioshka, an unleavened bread, as a utensil. Rufus stuck with the pirmeni, a central-Asian ravioli, and the persimmons.

"You don't eat like this every night, do you?" Ron groaned to their host as he wondered if he could eat another fig without exploding.

"No. Special tonight. Big feast in honor of American guests and marriage of my nieces."

"Your nieces are being married? We didn't know. Congratulations," Drakken told him. "We were very lucky to arrive today."

"Very lucky for everyone," Namdar smiled. "Afshan and Khandan very good girls. Very obedient. Make very fine wives for American husbands."

"They're going to marry Americans, are their husbands here?" Drakken asked, hoping for a connection home.

"Oh yes," Namdar smiled, "special guests at feast tonight."

Ron's brow wrinkled as he looked around at the men eating there. "None of these guys looks American," Ron whispered to Drakken.

"I know what you mean," Drakken responded as he did his own reconnaissance.

Rufus popped out of Ron's pocket and gave the young man a look of reproach, He pointed a paw at Ron, "Hou," he turned and pointed to Drakken, "an hou."

Ron turned to their host, "You don't mean us, do you?"

The large man laughed, "You make good husbands. Take wives America. More family come over later."

"But, but…" Drakken sputtered.

"Both good girls, very strong," he flexed his muscles to illustrate the strength of the young women. He pointed at Drakken, "You marry Khandan. She fifteen. Bear you many strong sons." He turned to Ron, "You marry Afshan. She fourteen. Very pretty."

"I don't think I'm ready for marriage," Ron tried to explain.

"You want dowry, yes? Eight sheep for each girl."

"No it's-"

"Fine, eight sheep four chickens each girl. And not a chicken more!"

Some of the men around them seemed to have grown slightly hostile as they listened to Ron and Drakken's protests and the two Americans decided to shut up.

Ron had trouble getting to sleep, and it wasn't merely the five cups of strong chai he had consumed with dinner. At two in the morning he heard Drakken moving around in the small room they shared.

"What are you doing," Ron whispered.

"Getting out… A fifteen year old wife would get me arrested back home."

"I'm coming with you," Ron replied, feeling around in the dark for his pants. "I don't think Kim wants me to get married just yet - or my mom and dad… And a fourteen year old Muslim wife might be a little hard to explain to my rabbi."


	5. The Truce, the Whole Truce

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**The Truce, the Whole Truce  
**

Shego woke to the smells of coffee, toast, bacon and eggs and headed for the kitchen. Anne gave her a cheery greeting, "Good, you're up. How do you want your eggs?"

"Unfertilized," Shego mumbled.

"What, didn't hear you," Anne said, pointing to a place at the table for the green woman.

"Over easy," Shego responded, sitting down.

Anne poured a cup of coffee for her before returning to the stove to crack eggs into the skillet. "I want to thank you for bringing Kim home. I-"

"I don't want thanks."

"She said you had some peculiar views on the subject of thanks. But I don't care what your problem is. I'm grateful. And when I'm grateful to someone I tell her thanks."

"Fine, you thanked me. Since I didn't want your thanks you're not gonna hear, 'You're welcome'. I'll eat breakfast and then I'm out of here."

"Actually, no. You need to stay awhile."

"What, so you can call the cops?"

"No, I'll respect the truce you made with Kimmie. It's just that you won't be able to leave."

"Why the hell not?"

"Well, my sons saw your hovercraft and, being curious, they-"

Shego groaned, "They stole it? Crashed it?"

"They took it apart to see how it ran. I told them to put it back together but-"

"They're kids!" Shego shouted, "They can't… Oh wait; I remember them and their silicon phase disruptor. Maybe they can. But what am I supposed to do?"

"You'll stay here, of course. We extend the truce until they have it put back together."

"No good deed goes unpunished," Shego grumbled.

"Why don't you put on some of my clothes, we're close enough to the same size, and I'll take your outfit in to the dry cleaners on the way to the hospital."

"How long until your sons-"

"I don't know, probably not until tonight. But the cleaners offers one hour service so you can be ready to leave as soon as they finish. I'll have Kim pick up the cleaning when I tag team her at the ICU. You can stay here and watch TV, Kim will be home soon."

"Got any other choices? I'm really not comfortable with your daughter."

Anne spread margarine on the toast and then took the eggs and bacon out of the skillet as she talked.

"You need to keep a low profile so you don't attract attention, but you'd be welcome to wait at the hospital with me."

"I… That… Not exactly comfortable with you either."

"I understand. But you can't go to the mall or other places where someone might call the police." Anne set the plate of food down in front of the green woman, then sat down on a chair at the table with her. "And I'm very curious why you brought Kim home."

"It, uh, seemed like the right thing to do."

Dr. Possible raised an eyebrow skeptically. "You are not a person who sets a high priority on doing what is right."

"I don't have to tell you anything!"

"No. You don't have to tell me anything. But something is bothering you-"

"Nothing's bothering me! Except you people getting on my back!"

"You might feel better if you talked about it," Anne suggested.

"Nothing to talk about," Shego retorted and silently worked on eating breakfast. Anne remained seated at the table. The green woman could feel the older woman's gaze. Finally Shego spoke, "If I tell you something… _If_ I tell you something I don't want you repeating it to anybody."

"I'll respect your wishes."

Shego remained silent for another minute, trying to decide how to express her feelings, then burst into tears. "I… I wasn't there when my dad died. I…" Anne impulsively moved over and held the other woman in her arms, letting the thief cry as she tried to finish her story. "I'd left… I didn't hear… It was later… I…"

"I'm so sorry," Anne said softly.

"I don't want anybody, not even my worst enemy, to feel like this…"

Anne held her for another minute until the green woman regained control of emotions. Dr. Possible patted the thief on the back. "I am very grateful that you don't want another person to feel that way. I won't tell Kim if you don't want me to-"

"I don't want you to," Shego assured her, reaching for a paper napkin to wipe her eyes and blow her nose.

"It's not a sign of weakness, you know. It happened after you'd… um, become a criminal?"

"Yeah."

Anne wasn't certain how to continue the conversation. After a minute she reminded Shego that she was heading to the hospital and the green woman was welcome to either stay at the Possible home or go to the hospital with her.

Shego hesitated, "Oh, what the hell, I'll go with you. I'm not planning on baring my soul or anything - I just want to make sure you keep your word and don't say anything to Kim." The green woman put on one of Anne's outfits and they dropped Shego's clothes off at the dry cleaners on their way to the hospital. Kim was surprised to see the thief arrive with her mother and looked disgusted with the news of her brothers' activities and apologized to Shego.

"Just so long as they get it fixed," Shego grunted. "I don't plan on moving in with you."

Kim remained in the ICU for a couple hours instead of returning immediately home. She wanted to talk with her mother. Hospital regulations strictly forbid three visitors in an ICU room, but no one had the nerve to remind the head of neurosurgery of that fact. Anne did her best to try and include Shego in the conversation, and Kim and Shego spoke to each other more than either enjoyed to be polite to Dr. Possible. Kim didn't leave until after a physician came in to check on vitals.

Dr. Allen was smiling as he finished the examination.

"What is it, Pete?" Anne demanded.

"Worst is over. He's going to make it. We may let him recover consciousness this afternoon." Kim let out a whoop of joy that pushed the boundaries of acceptable ICU behavior. Dr. Allen held up his hand, and gave a warning shake of his head, "Too soon to tell if the kidneys suffered permanent damage or not. He might lose some function and just need to be extra careful. He may lose them and need dialysis until a transplant can be found. Worst is over, but he's still looking at a long recuperation."

"Just hearing you think he'll live is the best news I've had this year," Anne assured him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Sue and I will have your family over for dinner as soon as James is walking," the doctor promised before he left. "Just got a new grill and my steaks are incredible."

After the other doctor left Anne pulled out her cell phone and called Jim to see how the work on putting the hovercraft back together had progressed.

"Bad news," she reported to Shego at the end of the call. "They say your inertia damper is almost shot and the tractor beam is broken-"

"I know that."

"Well, they say they're fixing those and late tonight is the earliest they can have it back together."

"They get the tractor beam working again and all is forgiven."

Dr. Possible then turned to her daughter and asked Kim to go home and do some cleaning - and stop on the way back to pick up the dry cleaning.

"I didn't make the mess," Kim protested.

"It would make life easier for me," Anne reminded her.

Kim sighed, "Okay… I'll be back this afternoon," then gave her mom a hug and left.

"Is your mother still alive?" Anne asked Shego after Kim's departure.

"Yes."

Anne handed her the cell phone. "Call her."

"But-"

"Call her! She wants to hear from you."

"No she doesn't!"

"Yes she does, she's your mother. Call her. I'm going to my office and see if there's anything I have to answer or deal with. Then I'm going to the cafeteria and getting a very large cup of extremely mediocre coffee for myself and will be back here in around half an hour. Do you want me to get you one?"

"Uh, sure… Thanks. Extremely mediocre?"

"Trust me on that. I'll bring extra sweetener. Dial now. I'll leave after you say hello."

It was forty minutes before Anne returned with the coffee. Shego smiled and said, "Thanks, for everything," when Dr. Possible handed her the cup.

"You're welcome… So, good call?"

"Good call."

Kim was back in the afternoon when Dr. Allen reduced the level of sedation on James Possible. After about half an hour the man on the bed groaned.

"How do you feel?" the physician demanded.

"Did you get the number of the truck that hit me?" James whispered.

Anne leaned over and kissed him. "It is so wonderful to hear your voice."

He took her hand and smiled. Shego nudged Kim, "We need to get the hell out of here."

"Mom, I think I'm going home. Somebody's got to watch the Tweebs."

"Take care of 'em, Kimmie-Cub," her Dad said softly.

"Stop for Chinese take-out on your way home," Anne suggested.

"Get pork lo-mein for you?"

"No, I'll probably stay here at the hospital again… Shego, if I don't see you again have a safe trip."

"Thanks Dr. Possible… You're all right."

As the two women got back into the car with the big bag of Chinese food Kim asked, "How do you plan to find Drakken?"

"He's probably in some jail. Honestly the man couldn't find his ass with both hands if I-"

"You help him find his bottom?"

"Watch the mouth, Princess, it's an old expression."

"Yeah, but pretty funny when you say it."

"Drive, Pumpkin. I'll find him and bust him out. Easier than beating you in a fight."

"Got to be easier than beating me - I usually beat you."

"In your dreams. Drive."

The kitchen was still a mess when they reached the Possible house. Kim almost demanded her brothers clean things up, but reflected it was probably better if they finished the work on the hovercraft so that Shego could leave. Kim did a little cleaning while Shego watched television, then the redhead unpacked the various takeout boxes, put out plates and called everyone to dinner.

"How's the work going," Shego asked between bites of General Tso's Chicken.

"Great," Tim mumbled around a mouthful of sweet-and-sour pork. "We found-"

"Is it finished?" Kim interrupted. "Shego needs to get out of here."

"Not finished," Jim admitted. "Probably another couple hours. Got the inertia damper fixed - that'll help acceleration. And we found-"

"How 'bout the tractor beam," Shego demanded.

"Oh yeah, it's fixed," Tim assured her, "but we found something that-"

"Did you do anything useful, like installing a GPS chip so I'd know where they were?" Kim asked.

"Bad Princess," Shego scolded. "I'm pretty sure that even thinking like that violates the truce."

"Sorry. I'm not used to having a truce with you."

"You think this is easy for me?"

"You're the evil one."

"Says the woman who wanted her brothers to cheat on the truce."

"I apologized, didn't I? I said I was wrong."

"Does anyone want to hear what we found," Tim demanded.

"Sure thing, Munchkins, what'd you find?" Shego responded.

"Did Drakken invent that thing himself or steal the technology?"

"I think he mostly stole it from something he got out of Area Fifty-One, why?"

"We think we found a cloaking device."

"Cloaking device?"

"Like in Star Trek. It makes you invisible - but it isn't hooked up right and-"

"Don't hook it up," Kim ordered.

"Your sister's a butt-face, Guys. Seriously, you think you found an invisibility doo-hickey?"

"Yeah," Jim assured her.

"Really incredible," Tim seconded.

"She and Drakken are crooks, remember?" Kim shouted.

"Your sister doesn't want you to have any fun. Can you hook it up?"

Jim and Tim looked at each other; they really wanted to test out the device from the hovercraft. On the other hand, Kim was right - giving it to Drakken was a bad idea.

"Can you leave it with us?" Tim asked.

"We can test it out."

"Make sure how it works."

"It might give out nasty radiation or something."

Shego laughed. "You two have a future as crooks. I'm not leaving anything with you when I go - and I'm going to watch you as you finish work to make sure you don't grab anything."

Shego went out to watch the Tweebs as Kim cleaned. It was almost eleven before the three got back in the house.

"Okay, I'm getting my outfit and leaving," Shego called.

"It's too late to leave," Kim pointed out. "Why don't you stay another night and get a fresh start in the morning?"

"Because our truce ends when the hovercraft's fixed remember?"

"Well, I'm not sure we're completely done," Tim pointed out.

"That's right," Jim agreed. "We can't recalibrate the inertia damper without you taking it for a test flight. That'll be easier when it's light."

The green woman shrugged, "Oh, what the hell. You got eggs and bacon in the fridge. One more night. It's a long flight back and I'd like a good night's sleep. Think I'll turn in early."

As Shego yawned Kim spoke up, "Can I thank you now for-"

"No, you can't."

Everyone turned in soon after the conversation. As Kim's head hit her pillow she realized she hadn't called Ron yet to tell him her dad was going to survive.


	6. No Fuel Like an Oil Fuel

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney.

**There's No Fuel Like an Oil Fuel**

They smelled the crude oil before they even saw the drilling towers and long before they heard the sounds of the men working in the oil fields. They trudged up to a group of men screaming loudly and gesturing wildly at one another at the foot of the nearest drilling rig.

"Excuse me," Drakken asked as he and Ron reached the group. "Is there a phone my friend could borrow to call for a ride?"

Various individuals spoke to the pair in different languages, all equally unintelligible to the two from the US. After several frustrating minutes someone left the group to come back a few minutes later with a huge, tanned man with a beard.

"English?" the newcomer called.

"American," Ron responded.

"Canadian! I'm Canadian!" Drakken insisted, "Don't shoot!"

"You speak English," the man said.

"No," Drakken insisted, "I speak… I guess I speak English."

"Fine," the man turned and said something to another man, who spoke to another man, who spoke to another man, who spoke to another man… "I speak English and Mexican," the man explained, "and Franco here speaks-"

"Don't you mean you speak Spanish?" Ron asked.

"Not according to Franco here. He speaks Spanish and tells me that's not what I'm speaking, but he can figure it out. Now Franco here also speaks French, and Charles speaks French, German too. Johann there speaks German, and also Russian. Some of the Russians here know some English… But aren't in this bunch. These two only speak Russian and Kazakh. And the head of this work crew," the speaker pointed to a wide balding man with a huge moustache, "only talks Kazakh. His name's Eleusiz, most of us call him Lucy."

The crew boss, covered in sweat and clearly not in a good mood, screamed something in Kazakh, which was translated into Russian, then into German, then into French, then into Spanish, and the man in front of them asked, "What the hell you doing here?"

"We're trying to get home," Drakken told him.

"Hell of a walk," the man laughed. "Call me Tom." He passed the message on to Franco, who passed it to Charles, who passed it to Johann…

"Is there a phone or radio we could use to call for a ride?" Ron asked as the news was passed to big moustache and his question relayed down.

"Back at main base," Tom told him. "The big boss might let you call, if he's had a good day… Haven't had many of those lately. Truck goes into railhead for supplies a couple days a week-" He was interrupted by Franco. He listened a minute and told them, "Lucy says hit the road. Sorry, but half the equipment is working badly - when it's working at all. Weather's been a son-of-a-bitch lately, food stinks… He's in a hell of a rotten mood and doesn't have time to chat."

"Could we get something to eat?" Ron asked. "We're kind of hungry."

"We all are… Cook's lousy."

"I'll fix something for us if you point out the mess hall. I'm a good cook."

"You cook?"

"Yeah."

Tom spoke excitedly to Franco, who sounded excited as he spoke to Charles, who laughed and spoke to Johann, the enthusiasm grew as the message traveled upstream. Lucy barked something and a minute later Ron heard, "Want a job?"

"We're trying to get home."

"Got any money?"

"No."

"Stay a few days, earn a few bucks. Railroad tickets are cheap."

"We just want to use a phone or radio."

The message went up the chain of command, and the answer came back, "Phone and radio are for employees only. And does the blue guy do anything useful?"

Drakken drew himself up, "I am a great scientist," he replied haughtily.

"So the answer's no?"

"Er…"

"He's got some engineering skills," Ron pointed out.

"I'm a scientist, that outranks an engineer," Drakken corrected him.

"Not out here," Tom told him. "You get one of these drills working and you might be as valuable as a good cook."

"Fine," Drakken muttered. "But I don't do brilliant on command."

"Do brilliant at all?" Ron asked.

"I told you, sarcasm is unbecoming in an evil assistant."

"Hey, we're partners, remember?"

"And it's even less attractive in partners."

"Oh," Tom asked, "either of you a criminal on the run?"

"Criminals? No!" Drakken squealed as beads of sweat formed on his forehead. "Why do you ask?"

"Just hope you don't mind working with 'em. A lot of guys working out here kind'a like the fact the police don't stop by very often… You might try to be polite to everyone around you, just in case the next guy is an axe murderer or something."

"Polite to everyone," Drakken muttered, "check."

"Double check," Ron added.

"'Riple," Rufus squeaked.

After a couple more rounds of translation-go-round Johann took Drakken to a repair shed and pointed to some broken equipment. Then the German shrugged, wishing the blue man good luck.

Tom filled Ron in on a few details on the food situation as they climbed in a truck for a ride back to the mess hall. "They shot the cook before this guy. Then-"

"Stop, they shot a cook?"

"He wasn't very good. It kind'a pissed Lucy off though. He said next guy to shoot a cook has to take his place in the kitchen."

"So, the guy cooking now is the guy who shot the former cook?"

"Nah, he was the only guy willing to take the job under the circumstances. We don't know his name-"

"What do you mean, you don't know his name?"

"Nobody knows what language he speaks. Some of us think he's Eye-talian, but Charles says he'd recognize that."

"What does he cook? Maybe the food he cooks would give a clue."

"Um… Last night was a stew of tomatoes, figs, and rhubarb with a lot of salt served on soda crackers. That sound familiar?"

"That sounds disgusting."

"Sure was. Some of us are talking about drawing straws to see who should shoot him. A couple guys think he may be a poisoner trying to kill us all, but most of us think he's an escaped lunatic."

_"I'm traveling with Drakken,"_ Ron thought, _"I can deal with crazies."_ "So, how many am I preparing for and when do they expect to eat?"

"Um, 'Bout a hundred total in Lucy's four crews. We'll be expecting grub half past six… A couple of the boys get ugly if you're slow, but hell - they started ugly. You might get some slack if you can serve something good."

Tom ushered Ron into the kitchen, caught the attention of the short man with the wild hair who was there and pointed to Ron. "This kid's in charge now," then backpedaled out the door.

The man who had been in the kitchen came over to stare at Ron. He had untidy black hair, three days of beard stubble, and a wild look in his eyes.

"Uh, hi," Ron said. He pointed to himself. "Ron Stoppable," and stuck out his hand for the man to shake.

The swarthy man pointed to himself, "Pamela Anderson," and noting Ron's hand reached into a pocket and pulled out a nine of diamonds that he placed in Ron's hand and winked knowingly.

Ron almost felt a sense of relief the man apparently spoke no English. He looked the kitchen over while Pamela went back to the project he'd been working on when Ron arrived. The kitchen was huge, probably from a time when larger crews had worked on the oil field. The walk-in freezers and refrigerators were full and the place seemed well equipped. The automatic dishwasher was a model Ron had never seen and the directions were printed in Russian, but he felt confident he could figure it out. The immediate priority was feeding a hundred men in about four hours and Ron went over to see what Pamela Anderson was doing.

In a huge pot on one of the stoves a mix of potato peels and shredded cabbage boiled. The man's attention seemed focused on another project, however. He had carefully wrapped bacon around apple cores and had them grilling under the broiler, pulling out the large pans systematically to baste the creations with a mixture of butter and root beer.

"So much for asking him to be sous chef," Ron whispered to Rufus. With time of the essence Ron decided to take advantage of the peeled potatoes and cored apples. "Apple crisp and shepherd's pie, Little Buddy. See if you can locate the flour and brown sugar."

Ron sliced apples into four of the huge cooking trays, then added some raisins and dried cherries he'd noted while looking over the facilities. After cinnamon, sugar, flour, butter and a few more ingredients the pans went into the oven.

He put the potatoes on to boil and found some lamb and beef to brown. He guessed he'd need about thirty pounds, but everything was marked in kilos and he decided if in doubt, cook more meat. Vegetables were added as the meat browned, then he threw in flour to thicken the gravy. The stew was spread out over the bottoms of four more pans, covered with a thick layer of mashed potatoes, sprinkled with paprika and went into the oven forty minutes before the time he was told to expect the workers. While the shepherd's pies baked and the apple crisp cooled Ron filled two huge coffee urns with water. When he got back from the freezer with a container of coffee he found Pamela Anderson trying to open one of the percolators to add salt to the water.

Rufus jumped from Ron's pocket, chattering furiously and the man screamed and ran into a broom closet.

Holding a large ladle, Rufus remained on guard as the coffee brewed. Ron used the remaining time to try and set up what he imagined was a serving line, and managed to coax the short man out of the closet to serve shepherd's pie and apple cores as the workers filed through.

Five fights broke out at the end of the meal when workers wanted to lick out the now empty pans.

Drakken and Ron looked over a map before turning in that night. Their request to make a call was met with, "You're on probation now. No phone until that's over."

The train station was a good ten miles to the west, although the tracks ran just a couple miles south of their present location. The line ran east-west. "Not that it matters," Drakken pointed out. "To the north we've got child brides, Beserkistan, and Siberia. To the south we've got Afghanistan and the tribal regions of Pakistan. A lot of Kazakhstan to the west, but eventually Europe. East is Nepal and India. I say buy tickets west as soon as we can."

"Sounds good," Ron yawned. "Let's turn in."

The two had been assigned a large tent that held two sets of bunks, but there was no one else with them. After crawling into their bunks Ron asked, "So, how'd your work go?"

"I've had an idea… I'm going to revolutionize the oil industry! My method will replace all the drilling equipment in the world with… Do you think I'd be better off having someone manufacture my invention or letting the companies that manufacture drilling equipment pay me millions to hide my discovery?"

"That is so wrong."

"That's capitalism… It does sound a great deal like evil, doesn't it?"

"So what is the invention?"

"Ha, you think I'll tell you? You'll just try and beat me to the patent office."

"Trust me, Doc. All I want is to get home."

"With any luck I'll be able to demonstrate it tomorrow afternoon, you'll see my genius then… You know, even if we are partners in getting away it wouldn't hurt you to compliment me for my brilliance."

"Hey, if you're not going to tell me your idea I'll have to wait until I see it."

Ron rose before dawn to work on breakfast. He found the former cook asleep on a large griddle atop the stove. "Hey, Pamela, you got to move," Ron told the swarthy man while gently shaking his shoulder. "I need to cook."

The short man yawned and thumped himself on the chest, "Yasmine Bleeth," he announced - and handed Ron a jack of hearts.

Ron prepared huge trays of egg-and-cheese, egg-and-asparagus, and egg-and-ham casseroles. There were also platters of sausage, bacon, and ham along with bowls of a thin yogurt and bowls of salad made with diced cucumbers, tomatoes, chilies, and other fresh vegetables.

Based on the amount of dead pig in its various forms in the coolers Ron wasn't sure if there were a lot of non-Muslims working there, or if the Muslims working there were about as observant of the rules of halal as his own family was of the rules of kashrut.

The casseroles went the way of the former evening's shepherd's pie and apple crisp. Bread and sandwich fixings were placed out on two long tables and men made their own lunches - apparently how they had survived prior to Ron's arrival.

Having awakened early Ron went back to bed for a couple more hours of sleep before cleaning and starting work on supper. He left the sides of the tent down to cut down on the light and stretched out. Before he could sleep, however, a conversation outside the tent caught his attention. One of the speakers had a Russian accent. The other might have been Tom.

"Wery good food," the Russian accent commented.

"Yeah, Lucy lucked… Hell, we all lucked out with that kid."

"He and blue man wish to leave?"

"Not if Lucy has anything to say about that… You didn't get the news?"

"What news?"

"He's telling all the English speakers, give those two the run-around if they-"

"What is run-around?"

"Stall 'em. Tell 'em the radio's broken. Tell 'em they can't call out until their probation period is over, tell 'em anything to keep them here."

"Not sound right."

"Hell, we'll pay 'em good at the end of the season and let 'em go home. You want to go back to rhubarb and figs?"

"I spend yesterday on toilet."

"Lucy hopes we don't have to threaten them, but Hell, I don't want to go back to the slop we've been eating."

The voices had diminished in volume as they moved away. Ron didn't get to sleep. He wanted home, and as quickly as possible. He considered trying to sabotage the evening meal - then remembered the fate of the former cook. _"Maybe Drakken will have an idea,"_ Ron thought. _ "He always has ideas... Maybe he'll have one that works."_

That afternoon Drakken's idea to use a high-powered laser death-ray to blast through rock to subterranean oil worked perfectly. What Drakken neglected to take into consideration was the flammable potential for the oil when hit with a high energy laser death-ray.

The explosion rocked the camp as Ron worked on supper. The pillar of fire would burn, a kilometer into the air, for a week until they found a way to extinguish the flame.

At supper they told Ron that Drakken had been killed in the explosion, his body not even found. Ron felt sick. He and Drakken certainly weren't friends, but they shared a love of Snowman Hank and were comrades in misery as they tried to get back to the US. He'd counted on Drakken to help figure out a way for them to leave the work camp.

Still in shock from the news of Drakken's death Ron returned to his tent after supper, where he found Drakken sitting on a bunk - his hair singed, his face blackened with soot, and one eyebrow missing. "I'm heading for the railroad," Drakken explained. "I, uh, don't think it would be healthy for me to remain here. I need fresh air. Will you help make some sandwiches for me?"

"For us," Ron told him. "I'm taking my wages in food… Wait, we don't have any money for tickets."

"We'll find a boxcar or something. Hop the train some place where it slows down for a curve."

"Should you offer to help with the fire or something?"

"Randy, there are times when running away from your problems is the most appropriate answer - and trust me, this is one of them. Let's go."


	7. And Nothing But the Truce

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**And Nothing But the Truce**

A call from Anne Possible woke Kim early in the morning. James had slept peacefully. Anne had slept little and told Kim not to call, unless an emergency came up, because she would try to take a nap herself.

Kim knocked on her brothers' bedroom door and passed the news, then called Ron's cell phone. No answer. She called his communicator. No answer. She glanced at the clock. It might be too early to call Ron's parents, but she wanted him to have the news.

"Hello?" the voice answered.

"Mr. Stoppable? This is Kim. I-"

"Great to hear from you. When will you be home?"

"I am home. I'm hoping to talk to Ron. But he didn't answer his phone."

There was a moment of silence, "You called to talk to Ron?"

"Yes, isn't he there?"

"He hasn't been home for days. We thought he was with you."

"We got separated. I told him to call Wade and arrange a ride."

The worry was evidence in the voice of Ron's father. "We haven't heard from him."

Shego was awakened by the noise of Kim's frantic voice and headed down to the kitchen.

"What do you mean, Ron didn't call you for a ride home?" the cheerleader barked into her Kimmunicator.

"Just what I said," Wade answered. "He never called… I figured he was with you and since you never called I figured you either found a ride home for the two of you or the two of you wanted to stay together for awhile in… Okay, that made no sense. But, I mean, you are home. How did you get here?"

"Shego gave me a ride. I-"

"Shego?"

"Yes, Shego," the green woman said sticking her face by Kim's so the Kimmunicator could pick her up. "You got a problem with that?"

"No! I-"

The conversation with Wade appeared to have kept her brothers from getting back to sleep, and they came into the kitchen to tell Kim to keep the volume down. She ignored them.

"I need to find Ron," Kim shouted at the genius. "His communicator had a GPS chip, didn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Well, find out where he is."

"Hold on." Wade flipped switches and peered at the readout. "This is… Ron's in the Middleton Sewage Settling Lagoon."

"What!"

"That's the reading."

"How did he… That makes no… Does your equipment show how long he's supposed to have been there?"

"Let me see… Weird. Record says sixteen days. But he's been with you."

"Yeah, but apparently his communicator wasn't with him. At least now I know why he didn't call you."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to find him. I'll need your help. I'm going to start with Beserkistan and-"

"Want me to find a ride for you?"

Kim thought a minute, "I think I might have a ride," she told Wade, glancing over at Shego.

"No!" Shego told her firmly.

"But-"

"No way!"

"I need-"

"No way in Hell."

"Ron's missing! I-"

"Forget it!"

"But-"

"The truce ends as soon as I leave, remember?"

"We could extend it awhile longer."

"No!"

Kim's eyes began to fill with tears, and her lower lip trembled with emotion.

Jim nudged Tim, "The puppy-dog pout," he whispered.

"No, Princess."

"I need to find Ron."

"I'm looking for Drakken."

"They were together."

"_Were_ together. They _were_ together. But they've probably been separated since we left them."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I don't know… Look, if I find them together I'll drop Ron off somewhere safe, okay? Now turn off the waterworks."

"Maybe you could use some help?"

"I work best alone."

"Wade and the Kimmunicator could help a lot."

"Fine, I'll take the Kimmunicator. I'll send it home with Ron. If I find him."

"Take me with you, pweez?"

"You are amazingly annoying."

"I'll stop if you let me go with you."

Shego hesitated for a moment, and then an evil grin played on her lips. "Okay, you can come with me - If."

"If what?"

"If you agree to do one evil deed a day while we're together!"

"No way!"

"I thought you wanted to rescue the boyfriend."

"You can't make me do evil."

"No, I can't. But you can make yourself do evil, if you want to come. Or you can stay home. Your call."

Kim's eyes narrowed, "What kind of evil are you going to ask me to do?"

"I told you. I won't order you to do anything. You have to pick something evil to do each day. The choice is entirely up to you. I'm not expecting you to rob a bank, or even drive a getaway car. I figure just watching you shoplift a candy bar will probably be pretty amusing."

"Don't do it, Kim," Wade advised. "Shego is evil."

"Thanks," Shego called.

"I know that," Kim answered. "But she's got good transportation, last time I saw Ron he was with Drakken - and Shego wants to find Drakken, and you've got to admit she's really competent."

"Hey, can we come?" Tim suddenly asked.

"You might need mechanics," Jim pointed out.

"And you already do evil," Kim sighed, "but the answer is no. You're too young."

"Ah, man," Jim whined, "that stinks!"

"Too young for the ICU and too young to have any fun."

"You two have way too much fun as it is," Kim muttered. "Did you say you needed to recalibrate something on the hovercraft?"

"Yeah."

The cheerleader looked at Shego, "Could we go to the hospital? It'll give the Tweebs a chance to make their adjustment and I can talk with Mom and Dad before we leave."

"Fine," the green woman answered. "I need to get out of your Mom's pajamas and into my clothes." She glanced at the twins. "You two! Hop to it!"

"One more thing," Kim announced suddenly. She looked the Kimmunicator, "Wade, you're getting fat. You need to cut out all the slurpsters and get some exercise."

The young man looked stunned, "Uh, yeah."

Kim turned to Shego, "My evil deed for the day."

"That wasn't evil," Jim complained.

"It was just rude," Tim finished.

"It wasn't even rude," Shego pointed out, "just brutally honest."

"I'm new at this evil stuff," Kim reminded her. "I'll try and do better next time… Er, worse next… You know what I mean."

"Fine. That was a really pathetic attempt at evil. But we got to get moving."

Anne Possible was not happy with her daughter running off again. But the difference in circumstances: Ron missing and James starting to recover made Kim's announcement easier to bear. Still, it did not make complete sense. "Kim, talk with your father for a minute, I need to speak to Shego in the hall." James Possible grinned as his daughter went to the side of the hospital bed and took his hand. In the meanwhile Anne Possible took the green woman outside the room. "I want to know what is really happening."

"I'm taking your daughter with me when I go back to find Drakken. She thinks her boyfriend is with him."

"That doesn't tell me what's really happening. You don't like Kim. She may think you just did her a favor, but I know you only did to help yourself feel better. Therefore I want to know why you are taking her with you."

"It's none of your-"

Anne Possible's eyes started to tear and her lower lip trembled, "Pweez?"

"Gah! Stop it. Two reasons. That is one of them-"

"What is one of them?"

"That kicked puppy look. The other is, she's paying me to take her."

"Paying you? What's she paying you?"

"That's, uh, confidential. Attorney-client privilege."

"You're not an attorney."

"Doctor-patient confidentiality?"

"You're not a doctor either, and please don't try and claim some sort of clergy right to privacy."

"The details are between your daughter and me. Ask her."

"So… You're working for her?"

"She's paying me to do a job. Period. Drakken doesn't mind me doing a little side job every now and then."

Anne hesitated for a moment. She didn't like the sound of what was happening, even though she wasn't sure what was happening. "She'd better not clean out her college education account. Okay, what do I have to pay you for you to bring my daughter back to me, unharmed?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

Shego thought for a minute. "Steaks. Six of 'em. Good quality, around a pound and a quarter each, cut an inch thick. We'll call you when we're coming back so you can have them ready. Fresh, no frozen."

"That's it?"

Shego shrugged. "I like you. I'd have brought Kim home safe as a favor for you, but, hell, if I can get some good steaks out of it I'll take them."

"Is Kim paying you in dead cow also?"

"I told you - take that up with your daughter."

They stopped briefly at the Possible home to leave the twins, then headed back to central Asia. They were barely out of Middleton when Shego barked, "Possible, get your butt in this seat, I'm going to show you how to fly this thing."

"Really? Thanks!"

"Don't thank me. I'm not your chauffeur. You want to be my assistant you can damn well pull your weight around here."

"Hey, who said I was your assistant?"

"You think you're in charge?"

"Ah, no."

"Then you're assisting me. Now get your butt in this seat."

"How high, Sir!"

Shego nodded and grinned, "Much better." She showed Kim the controls for elevation, speed, and maneuvering and the various instruments to provide information for the pilot. After watching Kim like a hawk for half-an-hour, hoping to find a mistake, the green woman grunted, "Not bad, for a beginner," and stood up. "Take the next half hour, then I'll spell you for an hour. That way neither one of us has to worry about being too tired and the other one jumping her."

"Hey, we've got to truce 'til we find the guys, remember?"

"Says the woman who wanted her brothers to put a GPS chip on this."

"I apologized for that. Are you going to remind me of that forever?"

"Absolutely," Shego promised. "I'm going to make sure your brothers didn't empty my stash of energy bars and bottled water. Want anything?"

"Not while I'm flying. This is so new it's kinda scary. I'll wait until your shift."

Kim grinned as Shego looked for the energy bars, the green woman had said 'Not bad, for a beginner.' It was higher praise than Kim had expected - and probably annoyed Shego to admit it. The thief was evil and insane in some areas - like accepting thanks - but Kim felt complete confidence that the two of them could find Ron and Drakken.


	8. The Road to the Fountain of Youth

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Hope and Crosby considered another road picture, but Crosby's death interrupted plans. Talk of bringing in George Burns fell through, so I figure that leaves the title up for grabs.

**The Road to the Fountain of Youth  
**

The two men would have appreciated it if the train had been moving more slowly, but Ron managed to catch an iron railing around the platform at the end of a car and haul himself up. Drakken put on a burst of speed and reached out a hand, which Ron grabbed and pulled the blue man up.

They stood for a few minutes on the narrow platform but realized they couldn't remain there for long. They had hopped a freight train. The advantage of a freight train was a lack of witnesses to notice the presence of the two. The disadvantage was that the only way to find a better spot on the train required them to climb the narrow steel ladder to the top of a car and walk to the other end of the moving car, then repeat the process until they found a car with an unlocked top ventilation hatch.

"In the movies they jump from one car to another," Ron reminded Drakken as they struggled down the third car and up a fourth.

"In the movies they have professional stunt men - and they aren't jumping in the dark.

"It's getting light."

"You can try jumping if you want… Give me the sandwiches before you do. I don't want to lose them. And light just means it will be easier for the conductor or engineer or guards or whatever to see us."

Ron glanced at the glorious colors of the sunrise. "You said we wanted to go west, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Doesn't the sun rise in the east?"

Drakken took notice of the fact, "Oh, snap!"

"It's okay," Ron consoled him. "I like Chinese food."

"It's a long way to China," Drakken muttered.

The hatch on the fifth car was locked also, but as Ron and Drakken knelt to examine it Rufus slipped out of Ron's pocket and examined the padlock for himself. The mole rat then looked expectantly up at the pair.

"I think he wants a paper clip," Ron guessed.

Drakken searched his pockets, and while he had no paperclips the set of small screwdrivers performed the job admirably.

They kept the padlock, hoping to avoid being locked in the boxcar, and left the hatch open for air and for light to see the contents of the car.

"Books?" Ron asked in wonder. "Boxes of books?"

"Look at the publishers," Drakken pointed out with excitement. "There are books here is half a dozen languages at least! Do you know what that means?"

"That we can't read them?"

"Well, that too. But it means they're destined for some library. Libraries are a certain sign of civilization."

"Got to disagree with you there. I've got nothing against libraries, but the sure sign of civilization is a nice Tex-Mex restaurant."

"Civilization! I'm talking civilization. And a nice Tex-Mex restaurant is an oxymoron."

"Hey, who you calling an oxymoron?"

Drakken sighed and nibbled on a sandwich, then repositioned some boxes of French novels to make a level surface so he could stretch out and take a nap. The two men ate sandwiches and napped most of the day. The train made two stops, but no one checked the boxcar in which they rode. They didn't know how fast they traveled, but on the flat steppes the speed would have frightened them if they'd known the age of the rails and the velocity at which they were moving.

A jolt of the train as it stopped woke all three up. It was pitch black in the boxcar. "Did they shut the hatch?" Drakken wondered.

"Dunno… Could be night. It's cold!"

Rufus huddled in Ron's pocket without adding agreement.

"Higher elevation," Drakken guessed. "We might have reached the Himalayas."

"Himalayas… Those are mountains in… Somewhere, right?"

"Somewhere indeed. I hope we don't stop for long. There aren't going to be any libraries here."

Which was, of course, when they heard someone working on the door to the car where they sat, and with a rusty squeak the sliding door creaked open on ungreased rollers. Two men lifted up torches to peer into the car as a conductor spoke to one of the men in the small party standing in the cold - telling him this was the car with his boxes. One of the men with torches gave a shout on seeing Ron and Drakken and yelled something they couldn't understand. When the two failed to respond he yelled at them in another language. They were addressed in a couple other languages before Ron spoke, "Anyone speak English?"

"I do," the tall man in charge of group who had arrived to transport the books told them. "Who are you?"

"Guards," Drakken spoke up suddenly. "From…" he quickly remembered a name from one of the boxes, "Peter Piper Press."

"I don't remember anything about guards." The man signaled to the men with him, three of whom jumped into the boxcar and began handing out books to their comrades who loaded the boxes onto shaggy ponies.

Drakken and Ron jumped down to the ground and Drakken seized the man's hand and shook it warmly, "It's a special service we offer on large orders. When you pick Peter Piper publishers we're pleased to provide precise and personal protection on your purchase."

"Um… yes."

"And if my junior partner and I can meet with your librarian we'd be happy to discuss how we can better serve your needs."

The leader's brow wrinkled, "You don't look like publisher's reps, or even guards for that matter."

Drakken panicked, and Ron picked up the dialog, "We were robbed. I won't lie and say we lost everything defending your books. Turns out some thieves would rather steal luggage, cash, and credit cards than books. Who'd have thunk it."

"Thunk?"

Behind them the trainmen slammed the door of the now empty boxcar shut and signaled the engineer to start the train.

"Please," Ron requested, "If we could use a phone or radio to contact our friends - we need to get home."

The man in charge hesitated a moment, and the train began to roll on its trip east. If the odd looking pair were thieves he and his man could handle them easily. If they really were from a publisher they should be treated with respect.

The Americans shivered in the cold as they climbed a narrow trail higher into the mountains. The tall man who spoke English said nothing to them, spending his time with the warmly dressed men tending the ponies.

Much of the trip was done by little more than moonlight. As morning dawned they reached what seemed to be the top the pass, as the valley began to dip before them. They reached a large bronze gong and the leader took the mallet and delivered three blows to the disk, with the echoes reverberating back. "Let 'em know we're home," he grunted.

Twenty minutes later the narrow path opened into a wide valley where hundreds of individuals could be seen toiling in small fields. A man in light gray robes approached them. "Greetings, Strangers, welcome to Shangri-la."

"They say they're from some publisher," the leader of the work crew said quickly. "Sounds funny to me."

"Take the books to the lamasery, I will speak with our guests."

"I think I ought to…"

"I will be fine." The white-haired man turned to the pair as the others continued on with their books. "You must forgive his suspicious nature. He is new to the valley. My name is Hugh Conway, the abbot in charge, and you are?"

"Ron Stoppable," Ron answered promptly, sticking out his hand for the other to shake.

"Um, Drew Lipsky," Drakken replied also shaking hands. "Shangri-la? I always thought that was, ah, fictional."

"Many believe it so. We do not consciously try to hide our existence from the world; but I'm certain that when the stories are repeated they acquire a level of fiction. When I first heard of the valley in nineteen-twenty-nine I-"

"Nineteen-twenty-nine?" Ron exclaimed in disbelief. "But that would make you, like, really old!"

"I like to believe I carry it well. Born in London in eighteen-ninety-three. I came out to serve as his Majesty's Consul in Baskul back when India was a crown colony. When my term of service ended I went in search of the source of the stories. What brought the two of you here? Strephon spoke of publisher's representatives."

"Yes," Drakken began, "We were-"

"No," Ron interrupted. Drakken glared at him. "Tell him the truth." He turned back to the stranger, "We had some weird, uh, problems and need to contact our friends for a ride home. If we can use a radio, internet, phone, anything - and let people know where we are we'll really be grateful."

The abbot shook his head sadly, "I am afraid that will not be possible."

"You're trying to keep the location here a secret?" Drakken guessed.

"No, we simply have no means to contact the outside world electronically. There are some hand-cranked shortwave sets to hear the news of the world, but we do not possess the means to contact those outside the valley electronically."

"We're stuck here?" Ron asked in disbelief.

"We are not as isolated as all that. People are free to leave the valley, but few find the allurements of the world greater than the peace and security here. Individuals leave, and trains stop twice a month if purchases need to be brought to the valley. You are welcome to remain with us until the next train."

"No phones, no televison, no video games?"

"What are video games?"

"You people are animals!"

Drakken patted Ron on the arm, "There, there." He turned to the abbot, "Please forgive my young friend. We can stay?"

"Perhaps we will even send you out with a information on other books we need to purchase for our library and how to have them shipped here. It would lend substance to your amusing fiction."

"We really hate to impose," Ron began.

"No we don't," Drakken hissed.

"Yes we do," Ron reminded him. "Stop contradicting me automatically."

"Well you contradict me automatically."

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

The abbot coughed discretely, "Gentlemen?"

"Uh, sorry," Ron apologized. "Anything we can do to help while we're here. We hate to be a bother."

"Thank you. But guests are all too rare at Shangri-la. We are honoured to have you," the lama graciously invited.

Drakken nudged Ron as they followed the white-haired man toward the lamasery, "Did you hear that? That's real English."

"What's real English?"

"Honour instead of honor."

Ron frowned, "What are you talking about?"

"You can't hear the difference?"

"What difference?"

The blue man looked smug, "I'll bet you don't hear diacritical marks either."

Ron looked sympathetic, "I'm sorry. I didn't know she was so hard on you."

"Who's hard on me, what are you talking about."

"Shego. I knew she was critical - but she tells you to die? That's cold."

"That's not… I… Never mind, Donald," Drakken sighed.

The lama pointed to a high peak on one side of the valley, "Mount Karakal, the blue mountain, shelters our little valley from many storms. Nights are cool, but the temperatures surprisingly moderate."

"You said the blew mountain?" Drakken asked.

"No, the blue mountain."

"Blew?"

"No, blue, the colour."

Drakken nudged Ron, "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what? I think you're both crazy."

"Why do you believe me crazy?" Hugh Conway asked, "my age?"

"Well, the age you claim. You seem in good shape for a hundred and ten."

"I dare say I am. No one understands the properties of this valley. Perhaps it is something in the water or soil. Perhaps it is through simple lives with little stress. Look at the peasants toiling in the valley below." He made a sweeping gesture at the lower levels of the valley. "I am a child compared with many of them. Those who look bent by their labour have passed two centuries here - some close to three."

Drakken nudged Ron with an elbow, "Labour, he said labour!"

"Will you knock it off," Ron hissed.

Abbot Conway showed them around the huge building before assigning them a room. Ron scratched his head, "How come some parts of the building seem, like, really new, and other parts are totally ancient?"

"A fire damaged portions of this building half a century ago. The rebuilding has gone more slowly than expected - although with our greater longevity we have learned patience. We are only now restoring the library. Some of the lamas even talk of finding means to obtain more money to speed the reconstruction."

"Sorry about the fire," Drakken said politely.

The pair were assigned a room. They took long, hot baths before slipping into new clothes supplied them by a silent lama - warm fleece-lined garments suitable for the altitude. Ron also received a fleece-lined bag he could wear over his shoulder for Rufus.

Since their sleep had been interrupted the night before the three turned in early after their simple, but filling dinner.

Drakken began snoring as soon as his head hit the pillow, but Ron lay awake. He hoped desperately that nothing had happened to Kim. She had been too distraught to go on a mission, he should have tried harder to stop her. And she had flown off with Shego! That was not something Kim would have done in a rational moment. Shego was dangerous. If the green woman had harmed Kim in any way Ron would hunt her down and have his revenge. Ron tossed and turned, the sleep he needed eluding him.

Deciding he needed something to distract his mind off worries Ron slipped out of bed. There wasn't much to do at the lamasery, so a book appeared the best solution. He'd look for a copy of "Lo, the Plow Shall Till the Soil of Redemption". When Mr. Barkin had assigned it he had never been able to read more than two pages at a time without drifting off. He couldn't find the Plow, but a book by some philosopher named Whitehead looked amazingly dull. He stretched out on a couch which faced a window, its back toward the room and quickly fell asleep.

Ron had no way of knowing how long he was asleep when the sound of voices woke him up.

"- a good idea. We aren't ready. What if they see something they shouldn't?"

"I don't think they got a thimbleful of brains 'tween the two of them," another voice - which might have belonged to Abbot Conway if he lost the Eton accent and picked up that of the East End. "Good test to see how ready we are. If they don't see anything in the next two weeks we sent 'em on their way. Hell, probably be great for us - they can start talking up this place, start the suckers salivating."

"Yeah, and if they see something they shouldn't?"

"Nobody knows they're here."

"You mean…"

"Yeah."

"I didn't sign up for murder."

"The mob back home got too much tied up in this for you to go moral. You back out if we need ya and they might not be the only ones not making it out."

"I didn't say I wouldn't."

"Good, 'cause we've already got more than sixty-million pounds in this."

"That's too much," Strephon said nervously. "What if something goes wrong? We'll never make it back."

"We'll get five bill easy, if you don't go yellow on me. Offer fifty condos and the chance to live another century? The millionaires will be fightin' for the chance to give a hundred mill for one. Hell, we ought to up the ante. Get 'em up here and settled in, we take off with the loot and they're left here with this movie prop of a lamasery and peasants who don't speak any English."

Ron moved slightly and _The Concept of Nature_ unfortunately took that as a signal to slide off his face and hit the floor.

"What was that," Conway asked.

"Dunno, from over there…" Strephon tiptoed to the couch and peered over the back. Ron kept his eyes closed. Strephon signaled the other man. "Do ya think he's asleep?" Strephon whispered. Conway shrugged, he had no idea.

"I'm asleep," Ron reassured them… He immediately realized that was a mistake and rolled off the couch and hit the floor running.

Neither of the two men who had taken part in the conversation, or a third man who had listened without speaking, were expecting the sudden move. The teenage was out the door before they could even began moving after him.

Drakken awakened as Ron slammed the door shut to their door and dropped a heavy wooden bar into place. "Get dressed," Ron barked, "We're getting out of here!"

"What happened?" a groggy Drakken muttered.

"They're crooks! Some real estate scam or something."

A knock came on the door, "Open up. We need to talk."

"No," Ron shouted. "You're going to kill us."

"I just want to offer you a job," Conway told them. "Could always use a couple more smart lads on this."

"No!" Ron yelled.

"We'll talk in the morning," the fake abbot promised. He caught the eye of the third man, and pointed to a spot near the door for him to stand guard. Then he and Strephon moved off noisily.

"You'd give them jobs?" Strephon asked in disbelief.

"For as long as their work is worth more than the food they eat. Probably need to get rid of 'em before the press and paying guests arrive. But, Hell, maybe they would work out." Both men laughed at the idea.

"This is another fine mess you've gotten us in to," Drakken complained as he pulled on his clothes.

"How is this my fault?"

"Well, it certainly isn't mine."

Drakken moved to open the door, but Rufus sniffed at the bottom first and shook his head 'no'.

"Somebody out there," Ron whispered. "We need to go out the window."

As the two ruined their fingernails scrambling down the rock walls in the dark Conway and Strephon returned to Conway's room, where he poured them each a generous double of old Scotch.

"Sorry, Boss."

"No, you were right to bring them here. Surprised the hell out of me when the gong sounded three times - I thought you were testing me. Had to scramble to get in the robe. If they'd been legit reps we needed to see them."

"You'd give them jobs?"

The Englishman shrugged, "Depends on my mood. But I'm a good judge of character and that damn kid doesn't have a larcenous bone in his body. No way he'd agree."

"What if they try going down the wall tonight?"

"I'd guess they might. The farmers won't protect them. Take a few of the farmers down and scout the tracks tomorrow - tell 'em the two stole something and you're bringing them back to find out which."

"If they're not along the track?"

"Then God have mercy on their souls," the fake abbot grinned and took a sip of Scotch. "It'll save you needin' to scrag 'em. Those valleys are a maze. Nobody but a native has a prayer of finding his way out alive. They'll be dead of exposure in twenty-four hours."


	9. Truce Is Stranger than Friction

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Truce Is Stranger than Friction  
**

"Nothing Wade?" Kim asked in disbelief.

"Nothing. Beserkistan is like North Korea. Information on the computer is zilch - it makes China look like a free and open society."

"Wade and the Kimmunicator will be _so_ helpful in finding Drakken," Shego whispered just loud enough for Kim to hear, then smirked when the redhead glared at her.

"Suggestions? Got any suggestions?"

Wade shrugged, "Start at the US embassy. General Daryush wants the US to regard him as a friendly dictator and might have ordered any information about Americans be passed on."

"Thanks, Wade, you rock," Kim told him and signed out.

"You rock? For what?" Shego demanded. "He didn't have any information."

"Hey, I'll bet he spent a lot of time finding out nothing, it saved us a lot of work."

"You really are little Miss Sunshine," the green woman grumbled.

Shego set the hovercraft down on the grounds of the small US embassy in Daryushabad and Kim requested to speak to the ambassador. In most countries American visitors would be lucky to see the assistant undersecretary to the ambassador's number two aide, but Americans in Beserkistan were rare and the ambassador anxious to hear an American other than those attached to his staff - especially on learning that the American requesting his attention was Kim Possible.

"Ron Stoppable… No, I've not heard any reports about an American Ron Stoppable. Been weeks since we've heard from any Americans in the country."

Kim sighed with disappointment, and the ambassador risked another fast glance at the green woman who stayed in the background. He leaned towards Kim and spoke in a conspiratorial whisper, "Is that the criminal, Shego?" he asked nodding his head in the direction of the second woman.

"Uh, no. Same family. Hergo," Kim whispered. "When I left Ron he was with Doctor Drakken. Is there a chance his name has been mentioned lately?"

"Or his legal name," Shego added, "Drew Lipsky."

The ambassador looked thoughtful, then flipped through some briefing reports on his desk, "Drew Lipsky… A report of a Drew Lipsky arrested, but when I sent an attaché out to check he told me it wasn't an American."

"Can I speak to the attaché," Kim asked.

"He's not working today," the ambassador told her, "I can-"

"Let's hit the prison, Princess. I want first hand knowledge, not second hand reports," Shego interrupted.

The green woman turned and headed out the door. Kim, equally anxious to find Ron, quickly thanked the ambassador and ran to catch up.

"We could have asked the ambassador where the prison was," Kim reminded Shego as the craft remained stationary and the cheerleader put in a call to Wade.

With directions from the young genius the hovercraft sat down outside the prison a few minutes later. The warden had no particular interest in talking with Americans, and had not heard the name of Kim Possible. But two pretty women with no apparent weapons were welcome to speak with him.

"We heard something about an American, Drew Lipsky, and would like more information on the report," Kim asked.

The warden shrugged, "I can not remember every man in the prison. There are so many. Come back in a few days - perhaps my secretary can help you."

"Would twenty dollars help get the information faster?" Kim offered.

The warden looked angry. Shego was equally upset, "Damn it, Possible, what the hell are you doing?"

Kim looked confused, "I-"

"You insulted the man, damn it! He's a warden of a big prison. He rates a bribe equal to a provincial governor. What were you thinking? Twenty bucks? That'll bribe a sergeant - if you're not asking him for anything very important."

The warden smiled; comforted by the fact the pale woman recognized his importance. "Thank you, kind lady. Now, you were wanting information on a prisoner?"

"Yeah, I certainly am," Shego admitted and stepped to the desk. She bounced his head on the blotter to get his attention. "But I'm not a kind lady. Talk."

"I don't-"

She bounced his head on the desk again, "I'm not interested in what you don't. I want you to give me what you do have, information."

"Shego," Kim protested, "You shouldn't-"

"And you shut up," the green woman snapped, "you're making me look bad." She turned back to the warden. "Well?"

"There are many prisoners. Let me call a guard to help with your question."

Shego dribbled his head on the desk a couple times, "I know you're going to call guards to help you. I'm warning you in advance it's a bad idea."

He said something into his intercom in Beserkistani.

"Okay, Cupcake," Shego told Kim, "here is your chance to make it up to me for screwing up. I figure five guys will be coming through that door. Try and leave one of them conscious, okay?"

"I don't think-"

"I asked, okay?"

Kim sighed, "How high, Sir."

Shego's guess was off, only four guards came through the door. And the one still standing spoke no English. In his exchange with the warden, however, he insisted that the man being held as Drew Lipsky was not American.

"Have another guard bring this Lipsky to your office," Shego suggested and bounced the warden's head on the desk once for luck. "And only one guard with Lipsky will get us out of your office faster."

"Who the hell is this?" Shego demanded seven minutes later when a single guard brought a brown-skinned man to the warden's office.

"The man who carried Drew Lipsky's credit card," the warden answered quickly.

Shego grabbed the prisoner by the front of his prison uniform with her left hand. Her right hand blazed with green fire hot enough that the prisoner shrank back in terror. Even the warden and guards shrank back in surprise, and all felt some of the heat radiating from the green woman's hand. "The card, where'd you get it?"

"Honest Jahandar's Used Cars, I stole it from a man at Honest Jahandar's Used Cars!"

"Describe him."

"Who, the blue man or the blond youth?"

"Did you harm either of them?"

"No! I swear! I got the card and I ran!"

"They were fine when you last saw them?"

"Fine! I swear!"

Shego let go of the man and shoved him back at the guard, then turned and nodded to the conscious guard from the first group. "Take him back to his cell." She gave an evil grin at the prisoner, "And if I find you're lying, I'll be back." The guard spoke no English, but understood he was to leave and both guards felt distinctly grateful.

The warden was straightening his clothes and gingerly feeling his forehead when Shego bounced his head on his desk again. Holding his face against the blotter the green woman ordered, "Princess, apologize to the warden for insulting him."

"Why are you-"

"Apologize Pumpkin, you insulted an important man, and made my job harder. You can apologize to me later. Apologize to the warden, now!"

"I am sorry I did not recognize your importance, Sir. I wanted information on my friend. It was thoughtless and rude of me."

"Accept her apology," Shego warned the man. "You know how hard it is to find good help."

"Very well," the warden agreed. "You should listen to the advice of your smart and evil… May I say that?"

"You flatter me," Shego smiled. "Add beautiful."

"You should listen to the advice of this smart, evil, and beautiful woman." The warden smiled in relief that the two women would be gone. And his head bounced on the top of his desk once again.

"And now you need to apologize to her," Shego instructed.

"Why do I apologize to her?" he protested.

"Because she is young and ignorant," Shego began.

"Hey," Kim protested, "I-"

"Shut up, Princess." The green woman returned to the warden, "She is young and ignorant, she doesn't know the ways of the world. Her insult to you was purely unintentional and you should have been gracious and accepted her inadequate offer - leaving it for me to gently correct her afterwards."

"Young woman, I am sorry, truly sorry, I did not accept your gift in the spirit with which is was intended, very sorry indeed. Please forgive me for-"

"Apology accepted," Kim said quickly, "Can we leave now?"

"Thank the warden one more time," Shego instructed. The warden thought frantically of anything he might need to say thank you for - perhaps for not hurting him seriously.

One of the guards on the floor had recovered and was quietly reaching for a weapon. Shego made it a point to step on his hand as she walked out the door. The warden briefly considered calling the guards on the outer wall and ordering them to shoot the two women, but decided against it. He did not want to see the pair again, and if the guards failed to drop the green woman she would be back.

"I still say we could have asked for directions before we left," Kim told Shego as she called Wade again, this time for the address of Honest Jahandar.

"Asking directions is a sign of weaknesses. Besides, after you've bounced a man's head on his desk you shouldn't ask him for directions… It ruins any self-respect he has left."

Honest Jahandar remembered the two men, and for a mere five dollars recalled they wanted the fastest direction out of Beserkistan and the fact they headed south.

"Damn it, Cupcake, are you trying to make me look bad?" Shego demanded as they flew south.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't hurt my reputation."

"Your reputation? You're a villain."

"Yeah, and a good one. Traveling with an incompetent isn't good for my reputation."

"You travel with Drakken."

Shego hesitated, "Point taken," and changed the subject. "When are you going to do today's evil?"

"Already have."

"When?"

"I lied to the ambassador, a representative of the US government."

"Every American lies to the government. It's known as filing your income tax."

"I offered a bribe to the warden."

"That's business as usual in this part of the world."

"Okay, how about I insulted him, messed up our stop there, and hurt your reputation. Can I count any of those for evil?"

"And those are all cases of incompetence."

"I'm trying my best!"

"Well try your worst, your best isn't bad enough."

There were several minutes of sullen silence between them before Kim asked, "Do you think they're okay?"

"Probably."

"Could you sound a little more positive?"

"Come on, Drakken survives explosions in the lab all the time, and your boyfriend… Well, Drakken survives explosions all the time."

"Ron can be very resourceful, when he has to be."

"See, they're going to be all right."

The two stopped at three small Tajik villages near the unpaved road south. In the first village no one had seen a traveler in weeks. No one spoke English at the next village, which was even smaller, but shook their heads 'no' when shown pictures of Ron and Drakken. At the third village a man showed excitement at the pictures and gestured for Kim and Shego to follow him to the clan elder.

"Can I try and handle this?" Kim whispered.

"Do you know what it takes to bribe the head of the tribe?"

"I'm hoping to get through this with social skills."

"I guess you can… Hey, are you implying something about my social skills?"

"He may not have a desk for you to dribble his head on."

Namdar's unease at talking to two unaccompanied women was obvious. It disturbed him, in part, that women could travel without men to protect them, but he had another cause for concern. "Who are these two men to you?"

"Well," Kim explained, pointing to Shego, "she works for the blue man and-"

"And this girl is my assistant," Shego interrupted.

Namdar's opinion of Drakken went up several points, the man had workers who had their own assistants. It would be a very fine thing to have him marry a niece. The village elder turned to Shego, he was too important to talk to the woman's assistant. "Your Master was here," he began. Kim nudged Shego to remind her to say nothing, although the grinding of the green woman's teeth was audible. "He and his traveling companion celebrated their engagement feast with my nieces and then-"

"Engagement feast?" Kim interrupted, "_their_ engagement feast?"

"Oh yes, Afshan and Khandan, beautiful girls. Very obedient. Make wonderful wives for American husbands."

"They got married?" Kim exclaimed in disbelief.

"Please control yourself, Princess," Shego warned. "Do not show disrespect to the tribal elder who graciously gives us of his valuable time."

Namdar smiled and nodded his approval to the green woman. "Sadly, before the wedding, the two disappeared. Perhaps they were taken by a neighboring village, but they deny all knowledge. Still, they are liars there. If you find your master, please return him here for his wedding celebration."

To Shego's amusement and Kim's horror they chatted a few more minutes about the young fiancées. As the two women stood to leave the elder asked, "The two of you are both Americans?"

"Yes."

"Do you have husbands?"

"No."

"How old are you?"

"None of your da-" Shego began.

"I am eighteen and this woman is twenty-four."

"So old," he said sadly. "Still, you are Americans. I have a nephew who might marry you," he told Kim. He turned to Shego, "You are… What is the expression? Under the mountain?" he sighed. "But perhaps I could talk my brother into marrying you."

* * *

"You shouldn't have stopped me," Shego complained as Kim started the hovercraft.

"Yes I should, he was very nice to giving us answers to our questions."

"He was chauvinistic and condescending."

"He helped Ron and Drakken."

"He was arrogant and insulting."

"He thought he was doing us a favor. We needed to be polite."

"Well, you didn't need to hit me so hard when I said I wanted to gut him like a fish."

"Yes I did. You are extremely powerful and weren't listening to reason at that particular moment."

"Assistants don't hit their bosses."

"You've never hit Drakken?"

Shego changed the subject.

"He shouldn't have asked how much dowry our families could give. That was the three tons of lead that broke the camel's back."

"It's local custom."

"Well, local custom stinks. You know, no jury in America would have convicted me for murder after he said that to us."

"We're not in America. Hey, can I count hitting you as an evil deed for the day?"

"No! You kept me from committing murder – you call that an evil deed?"

"Well… No."

"Now get your butt out of the pilot's seat and let me fly. Call your buddy Wade and have him find the nearest hotel where we've got a chance of hot water in the morning."

"Shouldn't we keep looking for Ron and Drakken?"

"Pumpkin, I've spent two of the last four nights on this damned hovercraft. It's going to be dark soon and we don't have a prayer in hell of finding them at night. We can search better tomorrow if we've had a good night's sleep."

"But—"

"True or false?" Shego demanded.

"True," Kim sighed.

"Now call Wade."

After getting directions from the young man Kim turned off the Kimmunicator, "I'm just worried about Ron," she confessed. "I shouldn't have left him."

"And whose fault is that?"

"You're making me feel worse."

"Good."

"I worry about Ron's survival skills… Do you really think they're okay?"

Shego sighed. "Between the two of them they have one full brain… Was that naked rat with your boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

"Then they're going to be fine."

"You really believe that?"

"Hell yes!"

"Thanks, I—"

"Whoa! Back up there, Princess. I still don't accept thanks from enemies. Sign of weakness. You keep your thanks to yourself."

"Sorry, I'll try and remember. Tell me the part again about being sure we'll find them safe."

"We're going to find them. They'll be perfectly safe. But they'll be hungry, dirty, and eternally grateful to be rescued. They'll worship the ground we walk on for rescuing them."

"I'll settle for them being safe."

_ "So will I,"_ Shego thought. "Now, let's find that hotel and get a good meal before we turn in."


	10. Troubles on the Old Chisholm Trail

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

"+Dialog found within the plus signs represents a translation of a non-English language.+"

**Troubles on the Old Chisholm Trail**

"We've been here before, haven't we," Ron asked Drakken as they sat down on a rock to rest for a minute.

"Not at all, I'm sure we're heading… west. Or possibly south. Of course it might be east."

"But that rock over there looks like the one you tripped over a half hour ago."

"All rocks look the same."

"And that bent thorn bush beside looks just like the one you landed on after you tripped."

"Coincidence."

"And the grass that's bent down beside it, just like where I stood when I helped pull you out of the bush."

"I'm really afraid I'm missing your point."

Ron sighed. It was obvious they were lost. "Maybe we could backtrack and pretend to work with the mob at Shangri-la," he suggested. "Build up some trust then do your running away thing next time they go for the train."

"Give me a minute to think about it," Drakken answered. He had come to that conclusion an hour ago and had been trying to lead them back the way they came. The problem was that he had no more idea how to do that than he did of finding away out of these narrow valleys.

Ron's stomach growled, they'd not been able to stop for sandwiches before they fled and he was hungry. He frowned, he thought he heard the sound of bells. He glanced over, Drakken showed no sign of having heard anything. "You know how sometimes people imagine they see things," Ron began slowly. "Do people ever imagine they hear things?"

"Oh yes, auditory hallucinations. As much a sign you're going crazy as visual hallucinations… Why, do you think you hear something?"

"No! No, not at all! Just, uh, curious."

"Olfactory hallucinations - imagining you smell something. Tactile hallucinations - imagining you feel something. All the senses can suffer from hallucinations… Wish I was hallucinating the taste of a lobster right now."

"I'd settle for a taste of a peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich."

"If you're going to lose your mind, at least lose it for something like lobster…" Drakken paused. Now he was hearing bells. It had to be psychosomatic. There were no bells. The idea of auditory hallucinations had been placed in his head and that was why this was happening.

The tinkling of the bells grew louder. Both Ron and Drakken ignored the sound.

A curious creature entered one end of the valley. It was to a Texas longhorn what a mammoth was to an elephant. Red tassels were tied in its hair and horns, with small silver bells tied on the ribbon.

_"Oh no, I'm seeing things too,"_ Ron thought. "I don't see that!" he insisted.

"Well, I don't see it either," Drakken assured him.

A second of the hairy creatures followed the first. The second lacked the tassels and bells of the first and carried two heavy packs. A third followed, also burdened with a load.

"I still don't see anything," Ron reminded Drakken as the first animal continued along the path that would take it less than ten meters from them. A man on one of the shaggy ponies of the hill country rode along beside the next beast of burden.

"Well I certainly don't see anything," the blue man insisted.

"What do the things you aren't seeing look like?"

"I'm not seeing yaks."

"Yaks… I always wondered what a yak looked like."

"Well, they look like that. If you see one. Of course, I don't."

"But this is the part of the world where they live, right?"

"Yes, if we were seeing yaks this would be the natural place to see them."

More yaks filed into the valley. The man on the horse paused on the other side of the trail from them. He unslung the rifle from his back and held it loosely across his lap. The move spoke of careful more than hostile. "Namaskar!" he called to the pair.

"Uh, Ron," the blonde teen shouted back. He pointed to the blue man, "Doctor Drakken."

As the animals passed by Ron asked, "Would it be as bad to not see something which is real as it would be to think you see something which isn't real?"

"Probably," Drakken answered cautiously.

"'Cause I think I'm smelling yaks too. Are you sure you don't see them?"

"Give me a minute to think about that."

The string of yaks continued, and a teenager younger than Ron walked beside the pack animals.

"+What's up, Dad?+"

"+I don't know. Get on this side of the trail.+"

"+Should I get my rifle ready?+"

"+I'm watching these two. They seem unarmed. Be ready if they have friends hiding in the rocks.+"

The young teen called, "Namaskar!" as he passed.

Ron repeated his introduction. "Isn't it weird they're both named Namaskar," he whispered to Drakken.

An older teen, also walking, brought up the rear of the freight line. The father remained alert as the older son called, "Namaskar!"

"Doctor Drakken," the blue man called back. He pointed to Ron, "Roy."

"Ron, the name is Ron," the teen hissed.

"It does appear they're all named Namaskar."

"I'm starting to wonder if it might mean something like hello."

"Or, 'Stay on your side of the road or I'll shoot you'."

"So, you agree it's just too weird for them to all have the same name?"

Drakken shrugged, "I'm not sure. Kemal Ataturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul."

Rufus popped his head out of the fleece-lined bag, chattered at the two men and pointed at the yak caravan.

"What's he trying to say?" Drakken asked.

"I'm not positive… But he might be trying to tell us that our best chance of finding our way out of here is to follow these guys."

* * *

"+Dad, they're following us!+"

"+I see that. You go walk by Lhadar. I'll keep watch on these two.+"

Chuni watched the pair for half an hour. There were three choices, the pair were the best thieves he'd ever seen, or the worst, or had somehow fallen from the sky and were lost. If the yak caravan had been faster the pair would have fallen behind. With a sigh he called for his sons to stop and opened the pack containing provisions.

"+Offer food to the strangers,+" he ordered the younger son - handing him a large thermos and a bag of chhurpi and dried meat.

"+But Dad!+"

"+Don't 'But Dad,' me. What did the Buddha say about compassion towards all living creatures?+"

"+Right action,+" Leegreg sighed.

"+Correct. And I'll have my rifle ready. Stay out of the line of fire. The Buddha said to show mercy to others, not to be stupid.+"

The younger son cautiously approached the strangers, "Khana khanu bhayo?"

"You got a clue?" Ron asked Drakken.

"Nope."

The youth extended the thermos.

Ron pointed to himself, "For us?"

Leegreg had no idea what Ron had said, but the gesture was obvious, and he shook his head yes. Unfortunately for the Americans the local custom was opposite what they knew, with nodding for no, and shaking the head from side-to-side for yes. The strangers did not take the thermos. He hesitated. _"+There had better be good karma in this for me,+"_ he thought and took another step, still holding out the thermos.

Drakken took the hint, and the thermos.

"Thanks," Ron said.

The youth opened the bag and handed over couple small bags of food. The blond teenager looked puzzled as he opened one of the packages. "Chhurpi," the younger boy explained.

"Chirpy?"

"Chhurpi." The boy took a piece and bit it. Apparently the strangers didn't know how to eat.

Ron cautiously took a bite from another piece. "Cheese," he smiled. "Yak cheese." He smiled broadly and the boy smiled too. "Cheese, Rufus!"

The molerat popped up so fast it startled the boy, who stepped back so fast his father raised his rifle.

"+Move, Son!+"

"+I'm fine, he had something alive in that pouch he's carrying.+"

"+Fine, but come up here and have something to eat with your brother and me.+"

"Cheese?" Drakken complained as he chewed a piece.

"Dried and smoked is my guess. I think they call this drink tea."

"Sure doesn't taste like tea. What makes you say that?"

"I read stuff on cooking."

"And you like Tex-Mex?"

"Hey, don't knock it. This stuff is mostly yak milk, yak butter, maybe some salt… You could live on this stuff."

The two men and the molerat finished their food quickly from hunger. As the father and sons finished their food Ron approached and handed back the thermos. He bowed to the older man, "Thank you very much."

"+What do you think?+" Winsel asked his father.

"+No idea. I wish there weren't just the three of us. But they're going to keep following us - I'm sure of that. They either have a gang lying in wait ahead or they're lost, but we're stuck with them.+"

The three men seemed short handed, in Ron's opinion, and he suggested he and Drakken make themselves useful, if possible, by walking beside the caravan. Assuming these were normal yaks, and the Americans had no other experience with yaks with which to compare them, the beasts were somewhat shy and suspicious of strangers. They also possessed very sharp horns. The man on the pony eventually waved Drakken to the rear of the line and began a long song to try and soothe the ruffled nerves of the hairy creatures. Ron had better luck with the yaks, and demonstrated a willingness to pursue a couple who left the line and strayed towards patches of grass away from the trail.

It was nearly dark when they made camp. The three began pulling packs off the yaks. Ron and Drakken attempted to help. The yaks still had no love for Drakken and after two tried running away Winsel managed to convey the idea that gathering brush and bracken for the fire would be more valuable.

After sharing their food with the strangers the family placed packs with softer contents together to serve as sleeping mats.

"+Leegreg, give your blanket to the strangers.+"

"+Dad! Where will I sleep?+"

"+With your brother, of course.+"

"+Dad!+" Winsel protested. "+How-+"

"+And don't you start on me too. I'll take first watch. I'll wake you in a couple hours. Don't let either of these two near a knife or a gun.+"

The younger son tossed a heavy blanket to the strangers, who had seen the way in which packs were placed together for a mattress. One blanket. Two men. It would be a very cold night at this altitude.

"Back-to-back?" Ron suggested.

"Absolutely. Oh, and Rob-"

"My name is Roy- Er, Ron. Darn! Now you have me confused."

"When we get home, no one must ever hear of this."

"Agreed."

"+Any problems with the strangers?+" Chuni asked his younger son in the morning.

"+The man snores.+"

"+I know. Other than that?+"

"+No.+"

"+I wonder how in the name of Nirvana they ended up in that valley.+"

"+You don't think they're thieves?+"

"+No idea. But with luck this is our last full day on the road.+"

By the time they finished breakfast it was light enough to put the packs on the yaks. The animals still distrusted Drakken and Ron deeply offended Lhadar when he tried to put a pack on the back of the lead yak instead of the tassels and bells which were his marks of distinction.

Ron's skills at yak driving improved over the day, although he learned the hairy beasts did not like being told to, "Get along little doggie," loud 'Yee-haws', or hearing cowboy songs which required yodeling. Rufus managed to make a friend of Lhadar and spent much of the day riding on the lead yak's head.

The family held council as they ate that evening. "+I do not think they are thieves,+" Chuni told his sons. "+I will ask them to take turns on watch tonight.+"

"+Sure that's safe?+" Leegreg worried.

"+Do either of you think they're thieves?+"

"+No,+" Winsel admitted, "+I think they are mad men.+"

Before bedding down for the night the father approached the pair and handed Ron his rifle, then took off his watch. He gestured with his finger to show where the hour hand would be in about an hour and a half.

Ron copied the gesture to show he understood. Then the father took the rifle and handed to Drakken, then pointed to the watch again. Then Chuni pointed to where he would be sleeping and mimed Drakken handing the rifle to him.

"+Sleep with your rifles beside you,+" the father warned his sons as he pulled the blanket over him.

"+Like that will do any good,+" Winsel grumbled, "+you gave him your rifle!+"

"+True. But, but I took out the bullets and I didn't give him any ammunition. I hope no wild animal comes after the herd, but we are getting close to civilization and I think that danger is past.+"

The next morning was much like their first morning with the yak caravan, they rose before dawn for breakfast. About mid-morning the valley broadened and they met other travelers on the road. Both Americans had picked up the ability to shout, "Namaskar," in greeting to those they met on the road.

Around noon a small city came into view.

"Finally," Ron exclaimed. "We can call somebody for a ride and get home."

"You see any phone lines or power lines going into the place?" Drakken responded glumly. "It's too backward to even be primitive."

"Put on a happy face, we've got to be better off than we were."

"And now you're really calling bad luck down on our heads," the blue man grumbled.

The five men drove the yaks to a warehouse on the east edge of the town where they would be unloaded. As Chuni found the merchant to accept the goods Drakken and Ron bowed to the sons and pointed into the center of the town. "Thanks for everything!" The two teenagers felt a deep sense of relief when the two Americans left for the city.

"+Where are the strangers?+" their father asked a few minutes later.

"+They left.+"

"+I worry about them. I-+"

"+Mom would not believe that they followed you home.+"

"+But-+"

"+She has never forgiven you for the time you brought the yeti home.+"

"+Your mother has a long memory. It is an evil trait in a wife.+"'

Ron had a bounce in his step, "I tell you, things are looking up now."

"And I'm telling you, you're going to jinx us with talk like that."

"We've had adventures!"

"We've had a nightmare."

"We'll remember this for the rest of our lives!"

"Oh, God, I hope not."


	11. In Wine There Is Truce

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various and sundry characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners.

**In Wine There Is Truce**

The two women debated what direction the men might have headed after leaving their fiancées behind. Any direction except north should have held the same appeal.

Kim studied a map. "West would have been better."

"Yeah, if they had a map. They'd been going south, so they probably continued south."

"Makes sense, I guess. Let's head south from that village."

Kim flew slowly. She wondered if hitchhikers were often given lifts in this part of the world.

Shego used binoculars to search for any sort of villages where Ron and Drakken might have stayed or passed through. "Holy…" she muttered. "Head a little east."

"Why?"

"Pillar of fire. Given the safety record those two have I think we should check it out."

No one was near the blaze at the oil field. They were waiting for a crew of Hellfighters scheduled to arrive the next day.

"Sorry 'bout your friend, Miss," Tom told Shego "We figure the explosion killed him instantly."

The green woman felt like she'd been punched in the gut, she fell silent and Kim instinctively put an arm around the older woman.

"Did you find his body?" Kim asked.

"No. We figure he got blown to Hell… Pardon my language."

"The teenager who was with him. What happened to him?"

"The kid who could cook? Hell… Er, Heck if we know. We wanted him to stay on, he'd have made some good money out here. He took off the same night as the accident."

Kim looked thoughtful, "Let me talk to my friend," she told the man and pulled Shego aside. "Drakken's alive," she whispered.

"What do you mean? You heard him say the explosion-"

"I heard him say they didn't find a body. You admitted he was good at surviving explosions."

"But look at the size of this-"

"Ron is gone."

"What's your point?"

"He'd still be here cooking. He'd have stayed on until he could make a call. He left. He wouldn't have left alone - that means he left with someone. I'm guessing Drakken thought it would be a good idea to leave after starting this fire."

Hope surged in Shego, "You really think so, Princess?"

"I'm sure of it. Drakken's alive. He wasn't even hurt badly if he could talk Ron into traveling with him."

The green woman smiled, "Makes sense, thanks. I-" She suddenly looked confused and stopped speaking.

"That's okay, I accept thanks from enemies."

The two women went back and asked to see the tent Ron and Drakken had shared. They hoped one of them might have left a note of some kind, but found nothing.

As they prepared to leave Tom spoke up, "Don't suppose either of you two ladies cooks and would like a job? The pay's good."

Shego's eyes narrowed, "That some sort of gender stereotyping - a woman's place is in the kitchen?"

Tom stepped back, the hair on the back of his neck standing up the way it had when he stumbled across a rattlesnake unexpectedly while drilling in Texas. "No, not at all. Most of our cooks are men… We're just shorthanded now."

"I don't do cakes," Shego told him. "I don't bake 'em, I don't jump out of 'em."

"Sorry," Kim answered, "we need to keep looking for Ron."

Back in the hovercraft Kim put in a call to Wade for ideas about where the two could have gone.

As the genius searched through information Kim smiled, Ron had been there a few days earlier so he was safe. She knew it was wrong but she felt slightly jealous about the praise Tom had given Ron as a cook. She was the girl who could do anything, but he completely outshone her in the kitchen. If they weren't in a hurry she might have asked to stay and try cooking a meal. She had an idea she thought might be interesting. It required wrapping apple cores with bacon and-

"Kim?" her Kimmunicator crackled.

"What've you got?"

"Railroad track runs two miles south of where you are now. I-"

"Can you figure out the most likely schedule?"

"If you give me a minute to finish the sentence I already have. It's mostly a one track line which-"

"What's a one track line?"

"Will you let me finish?"

"Sorry, I'm just so anxious to find Ron and Drakken."

"A one track line is just that, a single rail bed. At least it's single for a lot of the distance. A double track line means you can have trains headed west on one set of tracks while trains head east on the other. On this line there are a few sidings where they can get trains off the tracks while another goes through, but most of this goes through miles of nothing. If Ron and Drakken caught a train it was heading east. If they missed it they'll still be waiting along the tracks somewhere - next west-bound isn't for a couple more days."

Shego stuck her face over where the camera could pick her up and she could see Wade on the small screen. "What time was the east-bound? Ron was last seen about eight-thirty."

"Well, if it was on time - and it was probably late - it would have passed at four in the morning. Probably closer to six when it actually went through."

Kim thanked Wade as Shego found the tracks and headed east.

No one had seen the two men at the first station along the way. The next two villages were so small the train hadn't even stopped - but it took the two women longer to find it out than either liked.

"You were really worried about Drakken, weren't you?" Kim asked as they followed the tracks.

"No I wasn't," Shego snorted. "Do you have any idea how bad it looks on your résumé when you're applying for a job and they ask the reason you left your last job – and you tell them you lost your boss?"

"Come on, you were more worried than that!"

"No I wasn't!"

"Yes you were!"

"Well… Maybe a little…"

"You sweet on Drakken at all?"

"Sweet? God, Possible, do you imagine he comes courtin' or something and we look at stereopticon slides in the parlor and spoon?"

"What's a stereopticon?"

"You're missing the point. Nothing, with a capital N, between me and Drakken in terms of romance. I don't know his feelings, but I've made mine clear."

"I just thought…"

"You'd be upset if your buddy Wade went missing, right?"

"Of course."

"Mean there's something between the two of you? Are you sweet on him?"

"No."

"See. Drakken… He's kind of like the closest thing to family I have since I left home. He calls us evil family. I don't want to lose…"

Kim waited a minute, "What were you going to say?"

"I'm saying shut up, Princess."

The next station was a good-sized city whose north-south line saw several trains stopping a day. It took several hours to find workers who had been there when the train from the west arrived a couple days earlier. They were disappointed to learn that the two men had not been seen, but encouraged by the fact that only three cars on the train had been unloaded here. Most of the cars had remained untouched.

"I wonder why Ron and Drakken didn't get out here," Kim mused. "It looks like the best spot on the map… Maybe they weren't on the train."

"No map, remember? They must have been on the train… With Ron having keys to the kitchen they probably had food. Maybe they planned to ride it to the end."

"You think so?"

"I've got no idea at all. Call Wade, see if there's a chance the train hasn't reach its destination yet. If it hasn't we'll try to get there first – talk with the crew before they head out somewhere else."

Wade told them the train they thought Wade and Drakken might have been on would end its journey east the next afternoon in China.

"Then I say we spend the night here," Shego announced. "I don't want to hit a mountain in the dark."

"We could go a little further east," Kim suggested.

"See any place on the map where you're going to find a better hotel than we can probably get here?"

The cheerleader studied the map. "I don't think so."

They found a room for the night. Kim lay on one of the beds and stared at the map while Shego asked about a place for dinner. The green woman was slower returning to the room than Kim expected.

"What kept you?"

"Ever watch Andrew Zimmern on the Travel Channel?"

"Is he the one with the weirdo food show?"

"I think the actual title is Bizarre Foods, but yeah."

"Why am I suddenly afraid?"

"Hey, he says this is a great delicacy. The guy at the desk told me about a place a couple blocks from here and when I checked it out… Anyway, it's probably done now."

"I'm still afraid."

"Ha! You can do anything, remember?"

The waiter recognized Shego and ushered them to a table as soon as they arrived. Kim looked a little nervous at the carafe of wine, she didn't drink, but decided to let it pass. The salad was wonderful. And then the waiter brought out a large plate of couscous – with a cooked lamb's head sitting on it. Kim looked almost as green as Shego as the waiter carefully cracked the skull to give them access to the brain. Shego was starting to have some doubts about her dinner choice as well, but refused to confess them to Kim.

"Not bad," Shego commented as she tried a bit of brain and couscous. She felt greatly relieved to be able to say it. "Try some."

"Yuck," was Kim's comment, then choked and sputtered on her first swallow of wine.

"Come on, Possible, grow up," Shego growled, eating another bite.

The redhead chewed her next small bite more carefully. "Maybe it isn't really that bad… I think maybe it's the idea of eating brains I find really disturbing more than the taste."

"Afraid you'll turn into a zombie?"

"No!"

"Hey, if you knew what they ground up and put into sausage and hot dogs—"

"Don't tell me. I'll never enjoy a picnic again – or pizza."

They worked on the brain and the gelatinous facial tissues for a few minutes, becoming more accustomed to the flavor, and then Shego announced, "Okay, Zimmern said the best part – the eyeballs."

The green woman timed her announcement to Kim taking a small sip of wine, and the cheerleader did the expected spit take.

"What?"

"Eyeballs. That's what he said."

"Please tell me you're kidding."

"Nope. Dig in."

Kim looked at the skull sitting on the plate. _"No way."_ "I will if you will."

"Hey, I never said anything was possible for me."

"And I'm saying you're the one who claimed this was the great delicacy. You're the one who ordered it. If the eyeballs are so special you eat one, I'll eat the other. You first."

Shego hesitated.

"You afraid?" Kim asked. To Kim's horror Shego spooned out an eye and popped it in her mouth, then smiled at the younger woman.

Kim sighed, and then followed the other woman's lead. A look of disgust crossed her face and Shego quickly grabbed her own wine glass and downed half of it.

"I'm never watching Bizarre Foods again," the thief announced. "But it might have been worth it just to see the look on your face now."

Back at their room they got ready for bed. Shego suddenly asked, "Hey, what about your daily evil?"

"I was in the hovercraft all day. When did I have time to do any evil?"

"No excuses, you promised. You could always go out now and set something on fire."

"No, I- Hey, I had a glass of wine with dinner tonight."

There was a moment of silence. "I think I'm missing your point."

"I had a glass of wine with dinner. I'm underage. It's illegal."

"You're not underage here. It was perfectly legal. You didn't get drunk. I don't think you even had enough for a buzz—"

"Buzz?"

"A little light-headed."

"Maybe a little."

"Well, first time you have a glass or two of wine it's pretty much normal. But it's not evil."

"Um, how about the fact I didn't ask—"

"Stop! Stop right there," Shego ordered, "you are not allowed to say you had a glass of wine without asking your mommy and daddy."

"How did you know I was going to say that?"

"I swear, you are the most pathetic excuse for evil ever! I'll bet saints come to you for goodness lessons."

"Thanks."

"That wasn't a compliment! And don't say… God, Pumpkin, just go to bed. The way you annoy me almost counts for evil."

They concentrated on flying the next morning, and reached the destination of the long-distance east-bound a couple hours before it arrived. They used the time to find out what language the crew might be speaking and arrange for a translator.

Even before their translator could speak they could tell from the reaction of one of the train crew looking at the pictures that Drakken and Ron had been seen.

"He say they in big car of book."

"What happened to them?"

"Men come, get book, your friend, they stay book men."

"Where was that?"

The translator questioned the conductor, then reported, "He say stop Shangri-la."

Kim frantically looked along the map of the route for anything called Shangri-la. The man from the train said something to the translator.

"He say, Shangri-la not on map. Make many little stop. Shangri-la little stop."

"What is it between?"

The answer was the town where the two women spent the previous night and a city seven hundred miles east.

Seeing their worry the conductor grunted something as he came over and put a finger down on the map, then slide it back and forth over a section of the map two or three times to indicate, 'somewhere in there.' The gesture probably took in about a hundred and fifty miles – but it was still better than seven hundred.

They boarded the hovercraft and headed west. Kim put in a call to Wade for any help he could provide.

Even though they didn't know exactly what had happened to the two men both women felt better as they flew west. Drakken and Ron had been seen a couple days earlier and were both safe.

"I'm feeling generous, Cupcake - so I'll give you a warning."

"Warning about what?"

"I told your mom I'm taking you along because you're paying me. She's probably going to ask you about that."

"What exactly did you tell her?"

"I didn't tell her the evil deed a day thing. Although so far you really suck at evil. Do you really want to tell your mom you're doing evil, or do you want come up with some other story?"

Kim hesitated, "Evil just sounds wrong. Maybe I'll try and think of something else."

A couple minutes later Shego laughed, "Tell her you agreed to HLS with me."

"HLS? You're as bad as Monique. What does that mean?"

"Who's Monique? HLS is hot lesbian sex."

"Shego!" Kim blushed. "I never… That… You're-"

"Chill. You have a boyfriend and I'm not interested in girls. But you'd shock the hell out of your Mom and she wouldn't ask any more questions."

"You're evil."

"Thanks. That's how it's supposed to be done - none of that half-assed stuff you're calling evil." Shego laughed and put the back of her hand to her forehead in a melodramatic manner, and in an emotional voice she sobbed, "Oh, Mother, I did it for Ron, in my heart I remain true to my beloved even though I was forced to surrender my virtue to that…"

Kim was giggling at Shego's performance.

"Kim? What's going on?" a very curious Wade asked.

"You didn't hear anything," Kim stammered, blushing. "Shego is being… silly."

Shego rolled with laughter, increasing Wade's curiousity. But his only question was, "I don't quite understand your question. What exactly did you mean about Ron and Drakken getting off at Shangri-la?"

"That's what the conductor, or whatever he was, told us. There were a lot of books that were unloaded there and Ron and Drakken stayed with them. But I can't find Shangri-la on the map."

"Shangri-la isn't on the map."

"Why not?"

"Well, for one it's not real. It's a place from a novel. But even if the place in the novel was real it wasn't on any maps. Nobody ever came back from Shangri-la."

"The people killed them?"

"No, it's like heaven. Who wants to leave heaven?"

"You're not making any sense," Shego warned. "Ron and Doctor D are real, they got off somewhere and we were told it was called Shangri-la."

"Well, I've got a few ideas to tell you. There are several real places that claim to be the inspiration for Shangri-la. Second option, there are a number of resorts which want to cash in on the name and call themselves Shangri-la—"

"Any of these places near the tracks?" Kim wanted to know.

"I was checking that out. Not really. One of the places that claims to be the inspiration isn't too far away. None of the resorts are anywhere near the tracks – if you build a resort you want people to be able to get there easily."

"Well, give us the closest place… Then give us the resorts too. Did you have any other options?"

"Well, I was wondering how good your translator was."

"Not very," Shego answered. "Damn, you suggesting what I think?"

"Are you thinking there was a screw-up in the translation at some point in there?"

"Yeah."

"Yep, that's another option you'll need to consider."

"So what do we do?" Kim asked the other two.

"Can I assume you've already looked for things along the route that sound like Shangri-la?" the older woman asked Wade.

"Of course."

"And you turned up diddly or you'd be crowing about how smart you are, right?"

"Hey! I—"

"You geniuses are all a pain in the butt. And you're smart enough you've probably already checked a second time."

"Right."

"Well, you check a third time. While you're looking, give us the information on places that claim they were the foundation for the story and the resorts. We'll start looking there."

Kim and Shego found nothing in the first place which claimed to be a foundation of Shangri-la. They found nothing at the first resort trying to use the name either, or at the second, but decided to spend the night there because it was getting late.

"Could they have found the real place," Kim asked, "and it was so wonderful they didn't want to leave?"

"Doubt it," Shego told her. "Ron isn't going to call any place without you heaven—"

"Thanks. Oops, sorry. Didn't mean to—"

"S'okay. I'm lifting the banning on thanks for the duration."

"Thanks."

"Don't let it go to your head. Anyway, Ron won't be happy any place without you. And if they really found heaven the angels would have thrown Drakken out.

Kim laughed, "Thanks for- Sorry. I'm just really happy to be with you and... Does that sound as weird to you as it does to me?"

"Probably weirder."

"I just feel like the two of us can do anything. And I appreciate how you tell me everything is going to be okay when I start to worry."

Later, back at their room Shego prepared to go to bed, only something prevented her from getting into the bed.

"What the," the drowsy woman cursed and tried again, only to fail again.

On the other bed Kim started to laugh.

"Okay, what the hell is going on," Shego demanded and threw the blanket back to discover she'd been short-sheeted. "Damn it, Princess! You're kidding!"

"Hey I hadn't done any evil today."

"This isn't evil! It's a high school—Hell, it isn't even a high school prank. It's a grade school sleep-away camp prank."

"Well, we're flying around all day looking for the guys."

"Which means you need to try harder. C'mon, there's got to be an evil bone somewhere in your body."

Kim got out of bed and helped Shego put her sheets back together properly. Then they turned out the lights and got into their beds.

"Don't think I'm going soft," Shego told the teen after a couple minutes, "but it's nice having you with me for this."

"What?" Kim asked, uncertain if she had heard the older woman correctly.

"Nice having a woman to talk with for a change. I mean, Drakken's lair is a monument to failed testosterone. All the henchmen are male and tend to be low on the evolutionary scale. You and I aren't going to be friends, but it's nice having someone along I can count on, someone who'll be honest with me. Thanks."

The green woman's words made Kim feel ashamed of herself. If Shego had been trying to hurt Kim she could not have found said anything which would have made the cheerleader feel worse than the compliment she had given.


	12. The Road to Mandalay

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair and protected usage.

**The Road to Mandalay**

Drakken and Ron pooled their money and discovered they had a total of thirty-seven dollars. "How could you leave the country without more money?" the blue man demanded.

"Hey, you didn't bring much cash either."

"I had a credit card. Did you have a credit card?"

"Did yours do you any good? I had Kim, she's better than a credit card."

"Well, I had Shego… They both let us down."

"Don't say that about Kim."

"I can say what I want about—"

"No you can't. Right now we are working together to get out of here. Wherever here is… You got any ideas?"

"I think we're north of India. Maybe in northern India. If we can get further south we're sure to find civilization. Do you know where Bollywood is?"

"What's Bollywood?"

"Indian film industry. It's huge. But I don't know where Bollywood is. We're foreign - that always has appeal, maybe we could work on a film and get a little fame before we go home."

"What do you mean, we're foreign? I mean, you almost look alien, but I'm not a foreigner, I'm pretty much normal."

"Almost sub-normal. But that's in the US. You won't find a lot of guys with blond hair here - you're foreign."

"I just want to get home."

"And I sing! They make a lot of musicals. I—"

"Why do you keep going on about movies?"

"You've never wanted to be in the movies or on television?"

"Me? No way! Who'd want to watch me in movies or on TV? You'd really like to be in the movies?"

"Of course… Who do you think runs the world? Politicians? Generals? Bill Gates? I tell you, celebrities run the world… That's an idea, no more death rays and climate bombs. I can—"

"Can we get home first?"

"Oh, right. Sorry Rod."

The two were not walking through one of the better parts of the cities, so they missed seeing the larger homes with the satellite dishes. Even on the narrow twisting streets they were on they might have caught the hum of electrical generators if they had not been talking with each other and there had been less background noise.

A fast walk through the city produced nothing of obvious advantage for them. There was no building with a sign "Lost Americans welcome here" or "Free tickets home." One dinghy building they passed was an Internet café. But without large windows to show them the interior, and with the sign in a language they could not read the two had no idea what it was. They discovered a river on the west side of the city.

"Mankind's original highways," Drakken remarked. "If we could steal a boat of some kind there would be larger cities downstream."

"How do you know that?"

"Cities were usually built by rivers for water and transportation. The biggest cities were near the mouth of rivers where they ran into oceans and seas."

It didn't take long to find a place with boats, apparently for sale or rent.

"Wonderful. Now I need you to steal a—"

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'? You don't expect me to steal, do you? That's why I have Shego."

"Kim and I are heroes, remember?"

"You and I are partners, remember?"

"I don't steal. Let's see what things cost."

Fortunately the man with the boats spoke eight languages – three of them well, although the three did not include English. He had a fiberglass canoe used for fishing on the river that was so old and battered he was willing to part with it cheaply when they told him they wanted to buy something for a one-way trip. He wasn't sure why they wanted a boat. If they wanted to leave town two tickets on the next day's bus would have been much cheaper. But they hadn't asked him about how to leave town, they had asked about buying a boat.

Although they were quoted a very good price it was still more than they had after returning to the market area in the center of town and exchanging their American money for local currency. And Ron bought some chhurpi for Rufus, which reduced their cash on hand even further and reminded both men they needed provisions for the trip.

"If only we had something to sell," Ron remarked as he looked around at the various vendors in the market.

"Or we could go back and you could steal it," Drakken suggested.

"Or find work we could do."

"It was an old boat. We'll leave whatever money we have left after buying food if you want."

The two slowly circled around the market, looking for fruit that would be good for a couple days as they worked their way down river. In addition to the sellers of food there were vendors offering clothing, rugs, and handcrafted items of all kinds. Besides those selling their variety of goods there were occasional entertainers. Two men demonstrated acrobatic skills, while a handful of singers and musicians performed. The two men briefly joined the crowd around a tiger playing a violin.

Ron stared in awe at the tiger, "That was really amazing."

"It isn't that amazing," Drakken argued. "He's missing a lot of notes and his rhythm is off."

"He's a tiger!"

"That's no excuse for abusing Mozart."

"He doesn't even have thumbs!"

"And that's an excuse for poor technique?"

"Don't you see, the point is the novelty. You don't expect a tiger to be playing the violin at all so the…" Inspiration hit and Ron pulled Rufus out of his pocket. "Rufus, ol' buddy. We need some kind of an act. Can you play a musical instrument? Any musical instrument?"

The naked mole rat looked over at the tiger, then shook his head no.

"C'mon. We need to get home. We've got to raise a little money. Any sort of tricks you can do?"

The mole rat seemed to think for a minute, then gestured for Ron to put his head down near the animal's face. The rodent whispered something to Ron, who turned pale.

"What is it?" Drakken demanded.

Ron explained the plan.

"No way," Drakken told them firmly. "I will not, under _any_ circumstances, have a part in this."

"Don't you want to get home?" Ron asked.

"I think dying in obscurity holds greater appeal for me."

"You wanted to be in the movies. Do you think every actor gets the exact part he wants?"

"The stars do."

"Well, they didn't start out stars. C'mon, Doc. We're out here in the middle of nowhere. No one either of us knows will ever see this. We do this because we have to, but once we leave it never happened. Neither one of us will ever mention it again for the rest of our lives."

The blue man hesitated.

"We don't need much money," Ron reminded him. "It'll get us down to where we can find Americans and go home."

Drakken sighed, "All right. I'm in."

Leegreg and Winsel wandered into the market with some cash their father had given them. The yaks would spend their night in a corral and the family would start home at dawn the next day. The younger brother planned to find candy for himself, and the older brother wanted a silk scarf for the daughter of another family in their village. They were under orders to look for ideas for a gift for their mother, which their father would buy. Both young men made their own purchases quickly and began to take in the sights of the market. An unhappy looking tiger played his violin for a rather smaller crowd than the trainer felt the animal deserved. A large crowd of laughing spectators had surrounded something, but the boys could not see what.

The teenagers pushed their way through the crowd, and found the strangers they had traveled with for the last two days.

Rufus stood on an empty crate. In one paw he held a length of discarded plastic tubing which had been curved around to make a large hoop. In the other paw he held one of Ron's leather shoelaces, which he cracked as an improvised whip.

As Rufus cracked his 'whip' Ron and Drakken dove through the hoop. The mole rat tossed them pieces of chhurpi for 'treats' when they performed well - despite the fact Drakken hated the taste of smoked yak cheese. "C'mon, Doc," Ron had begged. "Great actors have to do things they don't like for parts."

In a trick Drakken had absolutely refused to participate in Rufus dropped the hoop and cracked the whip twice. Ron knelt down beside the crate and opened his mouth wide - and Rufus fearlessly stuck his head in Ron's mouth, drawing laughter from the crowd.

Winsel tossed a few coins onto the crate and Rufus picked one up and bit it - as if testing to see if the coin was genuine. Pleased to discover the coin was real, Rufus bowed deeply to the older of the two boys.

Others in the crowd, eager to see if Rufus would repeat the 'test' and bow, threw more coins. Rufus continued his part in the entertainment, at one point suddenly turning and cracking the whip at Drakken who had come closer in order to help gather up the the money. The blue man moved back, and Rufus shrugged in a 'you've got to watch them every minute' manner - earning more coins.

"Whoa, we made out like bandits," Ron confirmed as he counted the money. "We can get more food than we planned. We're in great shape!"

"Every time you say that we suffer from bad luck," Drakken pointed out gloomily.

"Hey, we suffer from bad luck even when I don't say that."

Drakken reflected briefly, "I guess that's true. But let's find some way to contact Shego and get home."

"We should contact Kim."

"Shego has the hovercar."

"Kim has… She can get rides."

"Shego will take you home if I order her. Will Kim bring me back?"

Ron changed the subject, "I wonder why they were together?"

"Very peculiar," Drakken agreed.

Back at the river they completed their purchase. The man selling the boat helped them in, then handed them their provisions and oars. As he pushed them off he called, "Water very fast," as they paddled into the current.

"Thanks," Ron shouted back. "Hear that?" he asked Drakken. "Your idea was right. A good current and we'll be down somewhere we can call for help in no time."

Unfortunately the man's limited English skills had prevented him from expressing what he had really wanted to tell the two men. Had he been fluent he might have expressed his thoughts with, "You need to be careful, there are white water rapids downstream."


	13. The Truce Will Set You Free

The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all totally owned by Disney. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**The Truce Will Set You Free**

The two women began the morning confident they would locate Ron and Drakken that day. They swapped stories about younger twin brothers as they flew to the next location on their list of places to check.

After a long argument Shego admitted the Tweebs appeared to be more annoying than Wegos, but pointed out that she had four brothers to Kim's two.

"Okay, I'll give you that," Kim conceded. "What was that like?"

"Awful. Given that fact, do I need to say I was quite a tomboy?"

"Makes sense. You seem to like fighting more than frilly dresses."

"Always felt like I had to compete with the jerk Hego for dad's attention. What I wanted was a baby sister. When they told me mom was pregnant I really, _really_ wanted a baby sister. Instead, twin brothers - insult to injury."

Kim laughed, "You wanted a little sister? I wanted a big sister."

Shego snorted, "Doesn't work that way, Princess. You can hope for a baby sister, but you can't hope for a big sister."

"What, you never wanted Prince Charming or a pony?"

The green woman was silent.

"Well?" Kim asked. Shego reluctantly nodded yes. "Was that any more realistic than wanting a big sister?"

"Why did you want a big sister?"

"Being the oldest is a pain. All the pressure is on the oldest kid. There are all these expectations on you to do the right thing. You have to set a good example for the younger kids."

Shego looked thoughtful, "Might explain what screwed Hego up. Swear to God, you two are the most anal retentive pair I know."

"Hey!"

"Maybe a big sister was what you needed - you might have turned out normal."

Kim smiled, "Don't you find that weird? You always wanted a little sister and I always wanted a big sister…"

The two fell into an uncomfortable silence. After a few minutes they each laughed nervously. Fortunately they reached their first destination soon after and began their search for the two men.

They found no trace of Ron and Drakken at their first stop, but still felt confident they'd have good luck sometime that day.

"Hey, Princess, it's none of my damn business. But you and Doofus? I still have some trouble with the two of you dating each other."

"His name is Ron. And he's really a nice guy."

"A nice guy? That's the best you can say about him? 'You're a nice guy,' is what you tell some schmuck before you give him a handshake and run off with the hunk."

Kim bristled, "No, it's not the best I can say about him. He knows me better than anyone in the world. He doesn't like me just for my looks; he cares about the real me. He's always there for me, even when he thinks I'm wrong. He's my best friend. He makes me laugh. Ron would-"

"Okay, I get the picture. He's a better catch than he looks. He just seems kind of lazy for a go-getter like you."

Kim hesitated, "Yeah. He has some real trouble in the motivation department. Mom says a lot of guys need extra time to get their act together."

Shego looked thoughtful, "As your honorary big sister I have to-"

"Hey, when did you become my big sister?"

"You need one. And I'm telling you your mother's right. She's a smart lady."

"Yeah, she is. I just wish…"

Shego waited a minute. "You wish what?"

Kim sighed, "Ron could use a little help in the romance department… I'll be honest, he could use a lot of help in the romance department."

"No good in the sack?"

"No," Kim blushed.

"Oh, he is good in the sack?"

"Do you have to be so dirty-minded? I want to wait awhile. Some of our dates have been disasters. He's made me say I was twelve so I could order off the kid's menu-"

"No way!"

"Swear to God! Then another time he made me watch him play the giant claw machine for like three hours."

"Ouch."

"Our first Valentine's Day…"

"Yes?"

"A toothbrush."

"You've got to be kidding."

"I wish I were. I mean, back in grade school we had to buy those cheap valentines for everyone in the class. He couldn't even remember that? A toothbrush?"

"Want me to help you?"

"How?"

"I could threaten him with bodily harm if he doesn't shape up."

"Uh, thanks, but I think I'll do the boyfriend training myself."

"Suit yourself, Princess. I'm just saying the guy needs some firm discipline."

Kim sighed, "I dunno… Maybe you're right. I'd just rather not do anything that causes permanent harm."

"Broken bones heal."

"Please tell me you're kidding."

"Of course I'm kidding. Maybe. Hey, have you considered swatting him with a rolled up newspaper?"

Kim thought for a minute, "If he asks me to watch him play the giant claw machine again I might do that. Thanks."

"No prob. Anything I can do to bring a little pain and suffering to my fellow man. What's the guy's problem? Is he, like, totally clueless?"

Kim thought for a minute. "I don't think so. Maybe we've just been such good friends for so long he doesn't realize how important a little romance is. We aren't seven any more and sometimes he acts like it."

"I can see that. The guy has you as "Best Friend" in his head and never had to romance you. Now he's having trouble shifting gears and thinking of you as "Girl Friend"."

"Or maybe he doesn't know how to treat a girl friend. Neither of us had a really active dating life. I wonder if I'm as bad as he is, and just can't see it?"

"Probably. You said you weren't sleeping with him."

"Hey!"

Shego laughed, "As your big sister I'm proud of you for waiting. It fits you."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Back to Ron's problem, I still say a rolled up newspaper… Or a really low-cut dress. That'll remind him you aren't seven."

"You're impossible… So, um, how's your love life?"

"None of your business."

"Honorary little sisters have a right to know."

Shego hesitated. She wanted a sympathetic ear to listen. She'd even settle for Kim. "Do you know the phrase, 'it sucks'?"

"Ouch, yours is that bad?"

"I asked if you know the phrase."

"Yes."

"Well my love life would need to improve five hundred percent to be good enough to say it sucked."

"No way! What's the problem? You're hot!"

"I'm green."

"You're exotic."

"I could go to Star Wars Cons and meet a thousand geeks who think it's makeup for the costume contest. I will not date a Star Wars geek."

"There are better guys than that around."

"And where am I going to meet them? I mostly hang around with villains."

"No one interesting? I still think Drakken likes you."

"Drakken likes everyone. He really thinks he'll make the world a better place if he takes over. And I told you, he's like family. Dating him would feel like incest."

"Monkey Fist?"

"Too hairy. And you want to talk about monomania and nutcases, it's Monty."

"Demen-"

"Dementor's too short. Duff is married. Ed is a moron. If you mention Frugal Lucre I'll punch you. Hank Perkins is too young-"

"Who's Hank Perkins?"

"Evil temp."

"You could try dating some normal guy."

"Earth to Kim. I'm green. I'm a thief. Any of that sound familiar?"

"I can see the thief thing could be a problem for an average guy."

"Average guys are dull… Besides the fact I scare the crap out of them."

Kim suddenly had an idea. "Hey, you'd like to date a guy who's got an exciting life and isn't scared of who you are?"

"Yeah, I… Not either of the Seniors. One's too old and let's not start on the list of Junior's problems."

"No, the guy I'm thinking of isn't a villain. But he knows who you are… Oh boy, does he know who you are. Are you interested?"

"You haven't told me anything!"

"Are you interested?"

"Who is he? How old is he? Is he an idiot? What do you mean, he knows about me?"

"If he had an exciting job, wouldn't be scared off, and isn't too old you might be interested?"

"Maybe," Shego agreed cautiously. "I mean, I don't want to sound shallow, but how is he in the looks department?"

"Uhh… Tall. Rugged more than pretty boy."

"I might be interested in tall and rugged." Kim took out her cell phone and started making a call. "Hey, I didn't agree to anything!" Shego protested.

"I'm just checking," Kim told her as she punched in the last digits. "Quiet, it's ringing."

Shego tried to look bored as she listened attentively. "Hello. This is Kim Possible, is this Joe? … No, I called you up 'cause I have this friend… Okay, she's not a friend, she's an enemy. But I was wondering if maybe I could set the two of you up on a date. … No! She is smoking hot! … Well, she is wanted. … Hey, don't say that. I told her you were an exciting kind of guy and wouldn't be scared off at the thought of going out with a woman this hot."

"And sexy," Shego whispered.

"And sexy," Kim added. There was a pause as she listed to a question from Joe, "Her name? Shego. … Yes, that Shego." Kim had to move the phone away from her ear for a minute as Joe uttered a stream of invectives. When he calmed down she spoke to him again, "Okay, but you know what she looks like. Did I lie to you about her being smoking hot? … Okay, and it's been a couple years since she and Drakken tried to take over Canada, right? … Just a simple blind date. Maybe the two of you could have dinner, just kind of talk and decide if you wanted to see each other again. … I don't know, I'll ask her." Kim put the phone down on her lap. "Shego, would you-"

"Give me the damn phone."

"But-"

"I'll talk to him myself. You take over the controls."

Kim listened attentively, which it became more difficult after a few minutes when Shego's voice dropped right after purring, "Umm, that sounds nice." Shego stayed on the phone for another twenty minutes.

"Well?" Kim demanded at the end of the call.

"Well what?"

"What did you think?"

"About what?"

"You're impossible. You know, you and Joe."

Shego shrugged, "He gives good phone. He's in Paris next month on assignment. He says he knows a quaint old brasserie-"

"I don't know what that is, but it sounds romantic."

"Anyway, he asked me to dinner. After his assignment he's taking a couple weeks of vacation on the French Riviera."

"I am so jealous!"

"I don't know that I'll go."

"You have to go!"

"He probably just wants get his hands on me."

"Most straight guys would."

Shego laughed. "You know what I mean. He's a government agent. He probably has handcuffs as standard issue."

"You seem like a girl who might like handcuffs."

"Not on the first date! Not on the second date either! Unless maybe I put them on the guy."

"Gimme your phone and take the controls."

"Why," Shego asked, reaching into her leg pouch for the phone.

"Just gimme," Kim ordered, taking the phone as Shego returned to flying the craft. "I'm putting my phone number on your contacts list. You have to call me after the date, tell me how it went."

"Hey! Don't put your number on my phone!"

"Why not?"

"If villains find out I've got you in contacts I'll never hear the end of it."

"Tell them I'm just there so you can make prank calls to me."

"Well… Okay, but don't put yourself on speed dial."

"You promise to call after the date?"

"I don't even know I'll go."

"You promise to call after the date if you go? I swear, I'll put my name on the speed dial if you don't."

"Fine, I'll call."

"And will you name your first-born daughter Kim?"

"I'm impossible? You're the one who's freakin' impossible."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you something about Joe."

The suspicion was clear in Shego's tone, "What did you forget to tell me?"

"He knows how to clean."

"Whoa, seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Okay, I'm so up for dinner with this guy."

As the day progressed and they visited resorts and valleys further and further from the rail line they began to grow discouraged.

"Isn't it your turn to tell me everything is going to be okay?" Shego demanded.

"You needing reassurance?"

"No! It's just that you're always yammering about being fair. You want to play fair, it's your turn."

"They're going to be fine," Kim assured her in a soothing voice. "Did you think Drakken could get this far? I didn't think Ron could get this far. They must be working together the way we're… Are we working together?"

"Not exactly… Maybe. I guess as long as we have a common goal and you're trying to keep your promise to do evil – no matter how badly you're doing it – we can say we're working together."

Shego was doing it again, making Kim feel miserable. The cheerleader continued, "They're working together. They're fine. They might even be trying to get out without our help just to prove they can do it… Would Drakken do that? I can see Ron wanting to prove to me he could."

Shego chuckled, "Yeah, I can see Drakken trying to prove something too."

"See, they'll get back to the States and give us a call, then laugh at us for doubting them. Then you drop me somewhere and the truce is over."

"Not quite. I promised your mom to bring you home safe, remember? Got to keep my promise to her."

Kim couldn't take any more and lapsed into a brooding silence.

"What's wrong, Princess. Can you at least wait an hour or two before it's my turn to reassure you?"

"That's not it. I feel terrible. I—"

"I warned you at lunch not to eat seafood this far from the ocean."

"No, that's not it either. I—"

"I've got pads in the drawer under the energy bars."

"I lied to you!" Kim blurted out.

"What?"

"I lied to you. I feel awful. I— You said I could only come if I agreed to do an evil deed a day, but I knew I couldn't. I… I'm sorry."

Shego's jaw muscles clenched. "You lied to me?"

Kim nodded numbly.

"You knew all that half-assed stuff wasn't evil, but you claimed it was the best you could do. You knew it wasn't evil – after you promised?"

Kim's voice was barely audible as she answered, "Yes."

Shego snapped her mouth shut and glared at Kim for a moment, then she turned from the cheerleader to concentrate on flying.

After a few minutes Kim asked timidly, "Shego?" The green woman ignored her. Kim waited another thirty seconds, "Shego?"

The other woman continued to ignore her. Kim began to worry Shego was considering landing and ordering her out of the hovercraft.

Suddenly, after about a quarter of an hour, the thief began to laugh.

"Shego?" Kim hesitantly asked again.

"You did it," Shego chuckled. "You managed evil."

"No I didn't, and I feel awful. I shouldn't have lied."

"But don't you see? Breaking your word was evil. After you promised to do evil, and then you didn't you were breaking your solemn word. Not exactly what I expected, but you did it."

Kim felt confused, "Are you saying that by not doing evil I was doing evil?"

"Basically. You gave me your solemn word and you broke it."

"I still feel terrible."

"Good. I don't like having you lie to me. But lying was your evil deed each day. You can honestly tell your mom that you did evil every day."

Kim managed a half-smile. "Thanks. I… I'd rather not tell mom that I lied to you."

"What's the problem?"

"Well, if I lied to you she might think I'd lie to her."

"You do lie to her, don't you?"

"No."

"You're kidding!"

"Well, I try not to. Except one Halloween. I figure if you basically tell the truth all the time then, if you ever need to lie, people will believe you. Get caught in lies all the time and when you need to tell one no one will believe you."

Shego chuckled at the logic. "So, you don't want to tell her the truth, that you lied? What will you tell her?"

"I don't know," Kim answered. The cheerleader giggled, "Maybe your idea." She put the back of her hand to her forehead and looked heavenward, and in the same melodramatic tone Shego had suggested earlier she sobbed, "Oh, dear Mother, it was terrible. I surrendered myself to her base lusts so that I might find my heart's desire, my dear Ronald."

Shego paused in her laughter, "Oh, there's a problem with that plan."

"What? You said she wouldn't say anything if I told her that."

"She might ask how good I was."

"What? No!"

"Maybe she'd want a threesome with us."

"Shego!"

"You never know."

"She's my mother. Besides, you said you weren't into girls."

"Your mom's a woman. And while I've never done it with a woman I might be willing to experiment. Your mom's hot."

"Tell me you're kidding, please?"

"And Ron might hear - and he'd ask if we took pictures."

"You're evil," Kim giggled.

"See, this was how you were supposed to do it. Not that half-assed stuff you were trying to pass off as evil."

"Any idea why guys like looking at pictures of two women. I mean; I wouldn't get turned on by two guys."

"Not even if Ron was one of them?"

"Eeew! NO!"

Shego just grinned.

An idea hit Kim, "I can't tell mom that we, uh, did that."

"Afraid she might ask?"

"No!" Kim hissed. "But the Tweebs heard me agree to do an evil deed daily. I'm sure they've told mom. When I get home she'll want a list of my evil deeds for every day."

Shego grinned, "Sounds like you're screwed."

A few minutes later Kim had another idea. "Shego?"

"Yeah?"

"Could I give my mom the list of those really lame 'evil' deeds like being rude to Wade or short-sheeting your bed? Please?"

"I don't know, could you?"

"I mean, if she asks you to verify what I did."

"So, you lie to me and now you're asking me to lie to your mother for you?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess so."

Shego snorted. "You know, Pumpkin, there may be evil hope for you. But I'm a little pissed that you lied to me - even though you actually kept your word by doing it. But I'll make a deal with you."

"No HLS."

Shego laughed, "No way. No, you do one real evil deed other than breaking your sacred word of honor to-"

"Do you have to phrase it that way?"

"Absolutely. Now, one evil deed outside your normal clean and wholesome and I'll tell your mom I found you utterly incapable of a decent act of evil."

"Just one evil deed?"

"Yep, think you can manage?"

"I don't know… I'll do my best. Or worst."

"Hey, you've had practice doing evil now."

"Please, don't remind me. I feel as guilty about not doing evil as if I'd been shoplifting candy bars."

By the end of the day they had finished the list of Shangri-la prospects and found nothing. A call to Wade revealed he had no further ideas. The two women were reduced to flying very slowly along the section of track where the two men had supposedly left the train, scanning for anything which might indicate a stop of some sort.

"We should have grabbed the conductor or something and made him show us the spot," Shego grumbled.

"I wonder if it's too late to find him," Kim answered, and called Wade. The young genius confirmed he had no way to access the information.

"It would probably take a couple days to locate him," Kim told Shego. "I think we should finish this sweep of the tracks first."

Shego nodded in agreement.

They stayed at the closest place to the tracks they could find for the night, determined to begin their search at dawn the next day. The choice of available food was poor, and the room they shared even worse - but they were too worried care. After dinner they lay in the room and took turns assuring each other the men were fine until they finally drifted off to sleep.

It was two in the morning when the Kimmunicator went off.

"Answer the damn thing," Shego growled when Kim appeared slow to respond.

Kim stared at the device, too afraid to touch it, "What if it's bad news?"


	14. Stairway to Heaven

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

"+Dialog within + marks represents non-English, Bhojpuri in this chapter.+"

**Stairway to Heaven  
**

"ROCK!" Ron screamed and tried to deflect their small boat away with his paddle.

Behind him Drakken furiously paddled backwards to slow the craft down. Why did they never teach anything useful in villain's school - like how to survive in rapids?

"LEFT!"

"RIGHT!"

"NO!"

"YEEEEAAAaaaaahh!" both men and the naked mole rat all screamed as they shot into space and fell about a meter before crashing back into the river below the falls. Their battered craft took on some water in the plunge and one of the fiberglass patches pulled partially loose, allowing water to trickle into the boat. But amazingly the water beneath the falls seemed remarkably calm - at least in contrast with the stretch they had just survived.

"We're alive!" Ron called in triumph.

"I'm not sure," Drakken groaned. "I'll check. Let me get back to you later."

Rufus bailed as the two men continued downstream. "Got to hand it to you, Doc," Ron complimented his traveling companion after an hour or so of tranquility, "this is your best idea yet."

"Thanks, I Yiieeeehhh!"

The two men didn't see the rock below the surface which tore a hole the length of their canoe. Ron thrashed around in the water, looking for Rufus as Drakken dog-paddled and considered what he might rescue from the immersion. The naked mole rat climbed on top of the teen's head and the two men begin to swim with the current, looking for a good place to get out of the river and onto land.

"You did it again," Drakken groaned. "Every time you say things are going well disaster hits."

"And who was it who wanted me to keep telling him that his ideas were brilliant?" Ron shot back.

Drakken was silent for a minute, "Okay, that was not one of my more brilliant ideas. Maybe I should have you tell me my ideas won't work and then-"

"That's a stupid idea, Doc."

"No it's not! If you tell me I've had a good idea we always have bad luck, so if you tell me something was a bad idea then-"

"I was agreeing with you."

"No you weren't, you were disagreeing with me!"

"I was agreeing with you by telling you it was a bad idea."

"Oh."

As they rounded a bend they discovered a place where the river bank sloped gently down to the water and a number of women were washing clothes on the rocks.

The two men swam toward them and stood when they found shallow water.

"Anyone speak English?" Ron called as the dripping men approached the women.

Apparently no one did. But their appearance generated a huge degree of excitement among the village women.

When Europeans arrived in India they asked about the local religion. When the locals had no idea what the Europeans were talking about the Europeans solved the riddle by throwing a wide range of Indian traditions into a symbolic box labeled Hinduism. The box contains a heterodox mixture of pre-Vedic, Vedic, and post-Vedic traditions. It contains the European efforts to define Hindu orthodoxy (right belief) while the majority of Indians were more interested in orthopraxis (right action). It contains philosophic traditions that call all existence illusionary, traditions that hold a single god exists, henotheistic practices, and traditions that insist ten million gods exist. It contains ascetic practices which encourage the renunciation of all earthly pleasures and tantric practices which view sex as a means to enlightenment.

Given the diversity of religious understanding within India it should not be surprising that the arrival of the two men might generate the fervored response sometimes encountered in Western nations when someone believes the face of Jesus has been spotted on a piece of toast or the Virgin Mary found on a corn flake.

"+It is Shiva!+"

"+No, it is Vishnu.+"

"+The matted hair is that of Shiva, see how the water flows from it.+"

"+His blue skin is that of Vishnu.+"

"+Shiva is blue throated.+"

"+Vishnu is the color of the sky.+"

"+The river joins others and flows to Shiva's city, Benares.+"

"+The avatars of Vishnu come to earth.+"

"+Shiva!+"

"+Vishnu!+"

"+Perhaps it is Harihara, the two together who has-+"

"+Excuse me,+" a more practical-minded older woman interrupted, "+but we should settle that argument later. The god and his ganas must be welcomed.+"

The younger women were delegated to see that the laundry was taken back to the village while the older women beckoned the men to come with them.

"+It is odd they say nothing we can understand.+"

"+Perhaps they test us.+"

"+What kind of test is that?+"

"+I don't know. I'm not a god.+"

"+He appears as a stranger so that he might see what hospitality we show to guests.+"

Ron and Drakken had no idea what was happening. The crowd did not appear threatening in any way. Indeed the women seemed bizarrely happy to see them.

"Oh joy," Drakken muttered. "They probably have daughters they want to marry to us."

"Do they have harems here, wherever here is?"

"Well, without knowing exactly where we are that is a little difficult to say for certain. But I'm inclined to guess no. Did you want a harem?"

"No, just curious."

They were led to a shady place and Drakken given the more obvious place of honor. Some women ran to their homes to bring a drink of coconut milk and pureed mango. Other women ran to find sweets and other food to present to the strangers and the younger women, after bringing in the wet laundry, ran to the fields to call the men.

Ajay Kumar sat on the small verandah of his house, the only home in the small village so blessed, reading a week-old Delhi newspaper that had arrived by post the day before.

India's Constitution, written in 1949, attempted to outlaw the caste system. The Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, adopted in 1868, attempted to end discrimination against African-Americans. Neither worked. Economics have done more than India's Constitution to end jatis, at least in the urban centers where the educated and upwardly mobile class is more interested in future earning potential than family history. In the countryside the caste system often remains as solidly in place as it has for more than three thousand years.

A middle-aged bachelor, Ajay Kumar had an exaggerated sense of his own importance which went beyond being the wealthiest man in a very poor village. He was the only Brahmin for miles around; and despite the fact he doubted the existence of any gods at all his caste status assured that others called on him for rituals only he could perform. Many Brahmins had prospered under British rule or since independence, but the Kumars had stayed put, which kept Ajay's parents from finding a caste-suitable wife willing to move out to their village and marry their son. And while India possessed schools which offered world class education Ajay's father begrudged every rupee spent on his son and sent the youth to a nearby village whose English teacher possessed a command of the language which might, at best, have been termed Butler English.

As he glanced up from his paper he frowned to notice men coming in from the fields. He looked at the sky, there were no storm clouds on the horizon. Why were people not working? He noted people moving towards the center of the village. What was going on? Why had no one told him anything? He carefully folded the newspaper and placed it inside his house, then set off to see what had caused the commotion.

He was not given the proper signs of respect as he grew near the crowd. Some did not even move to keep their shadow from falling on him until he ordered them to move from his path.

"+What's happening?+" he called to a farm laborer he recognized.

"+A stranger came out of the river. The women say he is Shiva or Vishnu.+"

"+That's nonsense. Get back to work.+"

"+I didn't say I believed it… But he's blue, just like Vishnu.+"

"+He is some thief who dyed himself blue to deceive the simple-minded. No god will visit our village. Get back to work.+"

The man reluctantly moved aside, but did not return to work. He wondered what the Brahmin would say to the stranger.

"+Move away, I want to see this fraud,+" the landowner shouted loudly.

"+Don't say that of Shiva,+" a woman said politely as she moved back, "+he might punish our village.+"

"+He is Vishnu,+" another insisted, also stepping back

"+Shiva+"

"+Vishnu!+"

"+Shiva!+"

"+Harihara.+"

The crowd pulled back, giving Ajay a view of the strangers. They certainly didn't look like they were from around here. And the man appeared blue. The Brahmin took a more polite tone than he had expected in addressing them, "+Pardon me, but who are you and what are you doing here in my village?+"

The way the crowd had parted let the Americans know this was a man of importance, but did not translate his question for them.

"Sorry, we only speak English."

Clearly they were not gods. One of the few things Ajay felt certain about in regard to the idea of deities was that the gods did not speak English. "I demanding know who two of you are."

"Uh, hi. My name is Ron Stoppable. This is Doctor Drakken and-"

"These fellow saying you gods… Him god anyway."

"No. We're not gods. We were just traveling through. Gods? Us? I guess that explains why we got such a warm welcome."

"They saying you not god, you gana, god attendant. Him," he pointed to Drakken, "they saying god."

Drakken smiled, "I can see how the mistake could be made."

Ron gave him a reproachful look, "Not funny. I think that's… What's the difference between blasphemy and sacrilege?"

"I'm not certain. Could it even be heresy?"

"You saying you not god?" Ajay asked.

"Absolutely," Drakken assured him. "If you can help us to get out of here to somewhere we can contact friends we would be very grateful. We will gladly repay you for letting us use a telephone or anything to contact the people we know."

The landowner hesitated, thinking for a minute and weighing options before he answered with uncharacteristic benevolence. "I helping you, you paying back interest?"

"Interest?" Drakken sputtered, "You charge interest for helping your fellow-"

"Sure," Ron agreed, "We just want to leave."

Ajay nod, "I helping then." He spun around and addressed the crowd, "+They are not gods, they are simply two strangers passing through the village. I'm going to give them a small loan to help them leave as soon as possible.+"

"+Don't let him leave! Vishnu will bring prosperity to our village.+"

"+Shiva! But he is right. Don't let them leave.+"

"+He tells me he is no god. And I'm telling you to get back to work.+"

He left the crowd, hurrying home. Perhaps a lorry driver in the next village could be called to move the men and that small pink thing to a larger village. He glanced behind him. The crowd was not leaving and other women and men were offering the strangers gifts of food and drink. He needed the men out of the village, they disrupted the labor of the men in the fields, and that could disrupt the payment of rents.

As he neared home, however, his pace slowed as he experienced something uncomfortably close to an epiphany. What if the blue man was an avatar of Vishna, testing worshipers for the bhakti they showed him? He had shown very poor hospitality, even demanding interest for aiding the blue man.

Instead of going inside to call for a driver he sat down on his porch to think. A thief would have claimed to be a god in order to steal from the simple villagers below. The fact the blue man's gana… The blond youth had introduced himself but the Brahmin could not remember his name. In any case, the fact the blond youth had said his master was not a god but someone called Doctor Drakken suggested he might really be a god.

Or perhaps he was a very clever thief, who didn't call himself a god in case he encountered a man as wise as Ajay Kumar. God or man? Which was the greater evil, to allow himself to be fleeced by con artists or to show a lack of respect to a god? If the blue man were a god he should be encouraged to stay longer in the village. If he were a thief he should be driven out of town with rocks being hurled at him. Was the blue real, or a dye as he had first suspected? As Krishna, Vishnu had shown an interest in milkmaids. There were not gopis in the village, but he might be able to arrange for some local women to bathe and anoint the blue man. That would certainly prove if the blue color was genuine or not.

"+You're not asking us to have sex with him, are you?+" the woman demanded. She was not certain how she might have responded if he was. A god? And as Krishna he was supposed to have been quite a lover.

"+No! Not at all,+" the old bachelor positively blushed. "+He says he is not a god. But men don't come in that shade of blue. I want to know if that is really his coloration, in which case we need to keep him in the village, or if has dyed himself to deceive us.+"

Another woman, who favored the Shiva theory over the Vishnu theory agreed. "+We will treat him as one should treat a god, and we'll let you know what we find.+"

Drakken looked distinctly nervous on being told he was being offered an exceedingly complete spa treatment, and Ron disappointed to find out he was not. Ajay took Drakken's hesitation as a sign he feared discovery and insisted. "Ritual bath very important." Which made Ron all the more curious why just Drakken, since they had already tried to clear up any misconceptions about their identity.

And the report of the women came back, "+Blue.+"

"+You all agree,+" the landlord demanded.

"+We all agree,+" the oldest of the women on the team assured him. "+It is even and natural over all his body. Even the inside of his mouth and tongue are a darker blue. It does not rub off when we bathed him. He is blue. What do we do now?+"

"+We keep him here, he must feel the love our village has for him.+"

The women nodded in agreement, and he paid them the money he had promised.

It was now late in the day. He apologized profusely to the strangers that he had not yet been able to arrange transportation for them.

"A telephone," Ron begged, "is there any phone so we can call our friends?"

"I having only telephone in village," the man answered, "now not working."

"When do you expect to have it fixed?" Drakken wanted to know.

The man shrugged, "When not working, can't calling for fix."

He had ordered a large tent set up near the temples at the center of the village, he feared his own home was not grand enough for the distinguished visitors. As he returned to his own house he tried to think of how to keep the blue man there. Perhaps instead of the stranger going out to visit villages and see the devotion of his followers he would be happy to remain here and have followers demonstrate their devotion by coming to see him.

After seeing that Drakken and Ron were safely settled for the night he returned home to telephone neighboring villages with the news of his own village's importance.

_"There is a wonderful profit for me if this becomes a center for pilgrimage,"_ he told himself. He tried, with very success to drive the idea out of his mind as unspiritual, then excused himself for even trying. _"There is no shame in making money while honoring the gods."_

"We would really like to leave," Ron explained to their friend the next day.

"You not liking village?" Ajay asked in a hurt tone.

"No. No, everyone is wonderful. Very gracious. The food is wonderful-"

"And the massage yesterday," Drakken interrupted, "incredible."

"Then you staying, yes?"

"I have family who is probably worried about me," Ron tried to explain. "I need to let them know I'm fine."

"You need rest. Please to stay. I making plans help you travel."

Ron and Drakken glanced at each other. "This is so much better than yak cheese," the blue man commented. "Another day wouldn't hurt."

Ron looked down at Rufus, "What do you say, little buddy?"

The mole rat looked up from the slice of mango, smiled, and burped loudly.

"I really need to let my folk know I'm fine," Ron sighed. "And I need to know if Kim's all right. But it looks like I'm out-voted. One more day, but we've got to move on."

Their anxious looking friend smiled when he received the news and said something to the crowd, who all seemed delighted with the news they'd stay.

"You did tell them Drakken isn't a god, right?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"Yes, yes. I saying he saying he not god."

Somehow the reassurances did very little to convince Ron as musicians from another village set up to perform music as an exceedingly long line of poor villagers formed to present gifts to Drakken.

Ajay stood to the side to avoid contamination from the lower castes as they offered flowers, sweets, or other small gifts to the blue man. It puzzled the local landlord that the god showed no awareness of caste distinction as he accepted the offerings. Some of the shudra jatis were higher than others, but it made no apparent difference. Ajay had been told that the castes were no higher or lower in the eyes of the gods, that all they asked of anyone was to faithfully discharge to duties of the jati to which they had been born. But the Brahmin assumed that was told to the lower castes to keep them in their place. A lifetime of being shown deference by others led him to expect some sign of special favor for himself from the visitors.

On the other hand, Drakken's good-natured treatment of everyone who wanted to honor him made him popular with those who had traveled to see him. And, of course, those who had traveled to see him wanted to see a god in flesh visiting their district. Skeptics, who were certain the reports were some sort of scam stayed home to till their fields, as did those who doubted the idea of gods who spoke English or would pay a visit to _that_ particular village instead of their own. With the doubters remaining away Drakken held a place of honor in the eyes of the faithful.

Ron had greater freedom to move around, and heard those in line continuing the Shiva or Vishnu debate. He wondered if their 'host' had really passed on their denial or not. Especially as a line of four decrepit busses shuddered in the village and discharged more people holding flowers, fruit, and other small gifts. He also wondered if the man's telephone was truly out of order or not.

Over the course of the day the large tent in which Drakken held audience had expanded to pavilion size. "We've got to get out of here," Ron told him that evening when the sides of the tent were drawn shut for privacy.

"It's a wonderful place. I think we should stay a few more days."

"They think you're a god!"

Drakken stared at the teen, "Uh, sorry, Rob, what's your point?"

Ron sighed, "They're going to want a miracle or something. Maybe turning water into wine or parting the river."

"If I had some of my equipment I could-"

"No," Ron said firmly. "You are not faking any miracles."

"But-"

"First, you don't have any of your equipment. And second, something always goes wrong with your plans."

"You're just jealous because they don't think you're a god. And my plans only fail because of Kim Possible and her… Oh, that's you, isn't it."

"Yes," Ron sighed, "but you're missing a point. Faking religious stuff is never a good idea."

"We've never claimed we were gods. You always insisted we deny it. This isn't my fault!"

"I never said it was. But the truth comes out at some point, and I'm not sure it's going to matter that we never claimed to be gods. There are going to be a lot of angry and disappointed people at that point. I don't know what they do to false gods around here, but I'm sure it isn't pretty."

Sudden visions of burning at the stake made Drakken break into a sweat. "This sounds like another excellent time to run away."

Ron nodded, "That has my vote. I'm going to step out and circle the tent, try and figure out the best direction for us to head at one in the morning."

"Good luck."

As he slowly circled the tent Ron realized he needed much more than good luck. The two men and mole rat required a miracle. Pilgrims had continued to arrive and had the temple area completely surrounded. Many smiled and waved at the god's young gana before returning to the on-going debate over Vishnu or Shiva, although Harihara had become increasingly accepted as a means of finding harmony between the other two schools of thought.

In every direction, as far as his eye could see, hundreds if not thousands of people waited to see the blue man on the next day. Ron slipped back into the tent.

"Well?" Drakken demanded.

"We're dead," Ron groaned, "There is no way out of here."


	15. Truce and Reconciliation

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

About the time I feel like I'm starting to understand Ron and Drakken, it's over.

**Truce and Reconciliation**

Kim, still a little groggy, finally answered the Kimmunicator, "What's the Sitch, Wade?"

"And it had better be damn important," Shego growled from the other bed.

"It's a YouTube video that-"

"You woke us up for a damn YouTube video?" Shego cursed.

Wade frowned, "Tell the green prima donna I…" He suddenly grinned. "Hey, I can say anything I want about her, can't I? And you're on the other side of the world - she can't hurt me."

"Focus, Wade," Kim sighed.

"Tell her Royal Smugness to come over so she can see this too."

"I don't think YouTube is-" Shego grumbled.

"Ron and Drakken," Wade called.

Shego hopped onto Kim's bed and sat beside her so they could both watch the small screen. The quality was terrible, obviously produced from the camera on a cell phone. There was a jumpy image of people dressed in warm clothing.

"What in the hell is this?" Shego complained.

"Wait for it."

A small pink thing holding some sort of hoop seemed to be the center of attention for the cameraman. It looked something like Rufus, but Kim felt certain that was impossible. The pink creature waved a strip of leather and something, or someone, jumped through the hoop.

"Back up!" Shego demanded, "That looked like Doctor D."

Wade let the clip continue.

"That was Ron!" Kim insisted as another person leapt through the hoop.

Shego's mouth dropped open in amazement at a shot of Drakken with his hands up, like a puppy begging, and the mole rat tossing him some sort of treat. "That can't be real," the green woman insisted.

"It's real," he assured them.

"When and where," Kim demanded.

"You're close," he confirmed. "The video was posted two days ago. No apparent editing, so I'm guessing it went up the day it was taken."

"You rock, Wade!"

"Well, get some sleep. I'm guessing you'll want an early start in the morning."

"Can she save a copy of that on her thing?" Shego asked.

"By 'thing' I assume you mean her Kimmunicator," Wade answered. "Already done. I figured you'd need it."

The redhead turned off the Kimmunicator and impulsively hugged Shego from happiness.

The green woman pushed her away, "Hey, stop that. We're enemies, remember?"

"We're sisters, remember?"

"Same difference. And I don't know what you're so happy about," Shego told her, leaving the cheerleader's bed and getting back into her own. "I told you they'd be fine. You need more faith in your boyfriend. Or his pet."

"And you never doubted for a minute," Kim asked, with a hint of sarcasm in her voice as Shego rolled over with her back to Kim and closed her eyes.

"Never for a minute," Shego yawned. "I knew everything would turn out right."

"Liar!"

"Takes one to know one."

Kim threw a pillow at Shego, who mumbled, "Thanks," and put it under her own head.

"Hey, give me back my pillow!"

Shego pretended to be asleep, but smiled to herself. It was good to know Drakken was safe. And she wanted a copy of that video.

Kim virtually danced around their Spartan room as they prepared to leave in the morning. As she swooped towards Shego the green woman put up an arm, "No hugs."

"But I'm happy!"

"Save them for the boyfriend."

"If you don't want a hug, can I count it as evil if I give you one?"

"No. A hug is not evil. You're going to have to do something the average person would call evil for any credit."

"Okay," Kim sighed.

Shego smiled, "It was good to get that lead, wasn't it?"

"Great," Kim agreed.

Shego extended her arms, and the two women hugged briefly.

"Now get your butt in gear," Shego growled. "We need to rescue those two from the rat."

"How high, Sir!" Kim responded crisply and grabbed both their bags as they headed out the door.

The village had more individuals with a decent command of English than Ron and Drakken had discovered. They hired one to serve as translator for them. Unfortunately the women wasted almost two hours trying to find the man or woman who had posted the video before Shego pointed out what was suddenly obvious, "Why in the hell do we need to know who posted the video? The question is, are the guys still in town, and if not - where did they go?"

Half the people in town remembered seeing the act in the marketplace. The women discovered Ron and Drakken had arrived with a family from the north, but had not returned with them. Most people had no idea where they had gone after leaving the marketplace, but two people said they had seen the men headed in the direction of the river. The boat shop seemed an obvious place to ask questions.

The translator delivered the news the two men had purchased an old craft and set off downstream.

"Is this the best way out of town?" Kim asked.

"No," the translator replied. "Most people take the bus. Service to big cities south and east."

"So why did they leave by boat?"

The teenager shrugged, "You just hired me to translate. Reading minds costs extra."

"Then do what you're paid for and see if this guy knows anything else."

"I tell what I know!" the boatman protested. "They buy boat. They leave. No talk-talk with me. Just leave."

"Where does the river go," Kim asked in a soothing voice.

"It go India," the boatman explained.

"So we'll find them downstream in India," the cheerleader suggested to the green woman.

The man who sold and rented boats let out a stream of words the two women could not understand.

"He says you'll find them if they survived the rapids thirty kilometers downstream."

Shego threw money at the translator and the two women vaulted into the hovercraft and took off over the water.

"With luck they ran aground before the rapids," Shego muttered. "How good does boyfriend swim?"

"He's a good… Not good enough for rapids."

"Damn. I want to say I hope they saw the rapids coming and had the good sense to get off the river and portage. But these are the same two who didn't bother to ask about a bus in the first place. Drakken's a fair swimmer, but I don't think he could manage rapids either."

They slowed the hovercraft to a snail's pace as they reached the rapids, scanning for any sign the men had encountered problems. They felt certain that, even if the men had managed to make it through the rapids the short waterfall at the end of the white water stretch would have smashed their boat. They found no evidence of anything.

Her throat dry, Kim tried to sound optimistic, "They must have come through and kept on downstream. Let's go."

Shego feared that Kim meant, "We'll find their boat and bodies washed up downstream."

A canoe-type vessel, a gash running the length of the bottom, was washed up on the river bank several miles downstream.

"We don't know it's theirs," Kim said as soon as they spotted it.

"I never said it was theirs," Shego snapped.

"I didn't say you did," Kim yelled. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then let it out. "Sorry. Let's keep looking."

They heard some sort of noise ahead almost immediately, but couldn't be certain what it was. Around the next bend one bank of the river showed cultivation. Shego increased elevation and Kim saw a huge crowd of people, far more than could live in the small number of poor cottages she could see, surrounding a huge tent in front of what were probably small temples of some sort.

"Looks like a religious festival of some kind," she remarked and got out the binoculars for a closer look.

"We should ask if they've seen anything," Shego responded.

"I don't know. What if there's some sort of ritual or something happening and we interrupt?"

"Then they tell us to get lost and I keep punching people until someone shows some brotherly love and answers my questions politely."

Kim scanned the crowd and the pavilion at the focal point of the worshippers. "I still think…" The cheerleader's mouth dropped open. She silently handed the binoculars to Shego and pointed to the tent.

The older woman stared silently for almost a minute. "You see that too?"

"Yeah," Kim agreed. "I see it, but I don't believe it."

"What are the chances of us both losing our minds in the same way at the same time?"

"I'd guess ten-billion to one."

"And the odds we're seeing what we think we're seeing?"

"Probably a million to one."

"Let's play the odds, kid. We're going in."

The pilgrims who had journeyed to see the blue man were too focused to notice the hovercraft when it first appeared at the river. As it flew towards the tent it became the object of attention and people hurriedly backed away from the area when it began to settle in front of the tent.

Before Shego could even turn it off Kim sprang from the vehicle, "Ron!"

"Kim!"

The two threw their arms around each other and kissed deeply.

_"Bloody hell,"_ Shego thought and quickly jumped from the hovercraft herself. She tossed the flowers out of one of the many vases surrounding Drakken and dumped the water over the teens. "Save your dog-in-heat act for later," she growled. She jerked her head towards the shocked locals, "When in Rome, do like the Indians. And in the land of the Kama Sutra they aren't big on PDAs."

"Oh, sorry," Kim said and broke the hug, but she and Ron held hands as Shego turned towards her employer.

"Shego," Drakken whined in a petulant tone, "Where have you been?"

"I've been busting a hump trying to find some jerk who didn't have the good sense to stay put until I came back for him."

"You deserted me! You flew off with that… that… enemy!"

"Get over it. And get in the hovercraft."

"But-"

"Get your blue ass in the hovercraft now!" Shego barked. "Princess has been worried sick about boyfriend there and we find the two of you eating peeled grapes."

"Hey, I wasn't-" Ron tried to protest.

Kim whispered a warning, "Don't argue."

The babble of ten thousand low voices in the background, all wondering what was happening, hadn't disturbed Shego at first. But those with some English were telling the others of the affront that had been offered to the god. Voices were being raised in protest.

Drakken feebly tried again to assert himself, "But-"

"NOW!" Green fire blazed around the angry thief.

There was a moment of stunned silence from the crowd, and then many prostrated themselves.

"Kali."

"Kali!"

"Kali!"

"+She is too pale to be Kali,+" one pilgrim complained to another.

"+Her hair is black. Her clothes are black. It is Kali. You saw the way she gave commands to Shiva.+"

The second man almost argued Vishnu, the blue color had seemed conclusive. But the evidence of Kali seemed more compelling.

Kim remembered in Social Studies class that Mr. Francis had told them not to think of Kali simply as Goddess of Death. She possessed a range of attributes he described in detail. Kim could not remember any of the other things he said. At the end of the lecture Mr. Francis had sighed deeply and predicted all they would remember about Kali was Goddess of Death. He appeared to be crying.

Bonnie's opinion was that Mr. Francis had taught far too long.

Mr. Barkin substituted in Social Studies the next day. He told them all they needed to remember about Jains was the fact they were wimps. There was some reason the Buddha's head was shaped like that, but he didn't remember what it was. And Sikhs were good fighters, but they all needed haircuts. Then he gave them a pop quiz on the verses to the Star Spangled Banner.

Kim suspected there was more to the religious cultural heritage of India than Mr. Barkin covered in class. She did remember that Kali was wife or consort or something to one of the major gods. The cheerleader decided it might be better not to mention that fact to the green woman.

Drakken walked with all the dignity he could muster towards the hovercraft. He waved to the adoring throngs, and those with flowers threw them in his direction.

"I said, move your blue ass," Shego shouted at him, and punctuated the command with a plasma blast just behind him. She turned towards Kim and Ron, but before she could speak Kim gave Ron's hand a jerk and the two teens ran for the hovercraft.

Under the shade of a pipal tree a disappointed Brahmin realized he needed to place a fast call and cancel the order for three thousand "I saw Vishnu" t-shirts and three thousand "I saw Shiva" t-shirts. He would probably have to pay for everything which had already been silk-screened. He wondered how many t-shirts he should order saying, "I saw Shiva and Kali in their sky chariot." He guessed everyone there would order two. He should probably double that number - many hundreds more would want shirts so that, in years to come, they could 'prove' they were present today.

Kim and Ron had the small bench seat in the rear of the hovercraft while Drakken and Shego had the pilot and co-pilot seats. Ron had an arm around Kim and she smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I still can't believe it," Shego shook her head in disgust. "Princess was worried sick about Doofus back there and the two of you are being treated like pop stars. Did either of you think about contacting anyone?"

"You left us in the middle of nowhere!" Ron complained from the back.

"Worse," Drakken added, "you left me in Beserkistan."

"You're an American! You could have gone to the embassy."

"I'm a dangerous criminal."

"Well, Doofus could have gone to the embassy."

"And why did you leave with her," Drakken continued, jerking his head to the rear to indicate Kim.

"Cupcake needed to get home."

Drakken began to berate Shego, "How could you leave like that! I'm your boss! I deserve-"

"Hey," Kim shouted, "don't talk to her like that! She did something nice for me."

"Could it be any worse?" Drakken groaned. "Now you're helping our enemies."

"I don't do nice!" Shego yelled at Kim.

"You've got a decent stripe down your back a yard wide," Kim insisted.

"That's it, Possible. Truce over. You get a black eye for insulting me like that."

"Oh, the truth hurts, huh?"

"Not the way it's gonna hurt when I beat the crap out of you for smearing my good name!"

"You don't have a good name to smear!"

The two women burst out laughing, which puzzled the men even more.

"But I still don't understand why you were with Shego?" Ron asked Kim.

"I wanted to find you. She was coming back for Drakken so I asked if I could come along."

"Which reminds me," Shego called back. "Call your mom and tell her to have my steaks ready. She's paying me too."

"Okay," Kim called. She turned to Ron, "We'd better call your folks, let them know you're safe."

"Uh, Kim? What did she mean by your mom is paying her too?"

Kim ignored the question. "I know they're really worried about you. You should call them before I call my mom."

"Kim! What did you pay Shego?"

"She followed my orders," Shego shouted back. "Right, Princess?"

"How high, Sir!" Kim responded cheerfully.

"Man, I'd like pictures of that," Ron sighed.

Shego laughed. Kim blushed and gave Ron a dope slap, "Ron! How could you?"

"What are you talking about," the puzzled teen demanded.

"Pictures of me and Shego!"

"You doing what Shego told you to do? It's so hard to believe, I wanted a picture… What did you think I meant?"

"I…" Kim blushed even redder. "Never mind."

Shego flew silently for about half an hour, slowly calming down from her earlier outburst. She would have been sympathetic if they had found Drakken and Ron in trouble, but after days of worry to find the two relaxing and enjoying themselves had ignited her temper. Drakken, still feeling terribly put upon for Shego abandoning him in the first place, remained in a moody silence. In the rear Kim and Ron whispered quietly after they made their calls. Kim filled Ron in with Middleton news from Wade. After the half hour of quiet, however, Shego called, "Cupcake! Your turn to pilot. Stop leaving fingerprints on the boyfriend and get your butt up here."

"You taught her to fly my hovercar?" Drakken complained.

"Yeah, I wasn't going to haul dead wood. If she wanted to come along she had to pull her weight on the trip." Shego jerked her thumb towards the rear, "Go sit by your buddy, I'm taking your seat."

There was another uncomfortable minute after the change of pilots. Shego refused to apologize for the display of temper, but she broke the ice by turning to the two in the back, "So, uh, what did you two do?"

"And, Ron, could you explain what happened to your communicator?" Kim interrupted.

"I, uh, lost it."

"In the Middleton Sewer?"

"It was, uh, a dangerous mission. Wade called me and said I needed to go alone. It was rough. I-"

"Why didn't Wade mention that when I had him search the GPS chip in it?"

"Top secret, Kim. I shouldn't be telling you that now. Wade will deny all knowledge if you ask him."

Shego returned to the questioning Drakken, "Looked pretty cushy for you today. I mean, I always figured you couldn't find your ass with both hands, and Princess here worried Doofus didn't know enough to come in out of the rain."

"I never said that!" Kim protested.

Shego winked at Ron and whispered, "She's lying."

She had managed to offend Drakken with her statement. "We are not helpless, it was an adventure, right Rod?"

"Ron! How many times do I have to tell you, Ron…"

"The point is we had adventure-"

"Manly adventures," Ron corrected, and raised his hand to give Drakken a high-five.

"Exactly," Drakken affirmed, slapping Ron's hand. "We had beautiful girls in love with us-"

"Do you mean the jailbait in Tajikistan?" Shego asked. "Did you even see them?"

"Did you?" Ron asked cautiously.

"No," Kim admitted.

"Beautiful girls," Drakken continued. "I'm sure they were heartbroken when we left."

"Want us to turn around and take you back?" Shego offered

Drakken ignored her, "We got jobs at an oil field - manly jobs! We were roughnecks and-"

"Wait, aren't roughnecks garbage bags?" Ron objected.

"No, I'm pretty sure a roughneck is someone with a job on an oil field. A manly job."

"Are you sure it isn't roustabout?"

"No, roustabouts are with the circus."

"You two are a circus all by yourselves. And the fire was still burning when we got there," Shego pointed out.

"My plan worked even better than expected," he told her with dignity. "And men were fighting over Rob-"

"Ron! And, uh, they weren't fighting over me, it was my cooking they liked."

"Cooking, a fine manly job," Kim laughed.

"All the great chefs are men," he assured her. "Either of you two women want to challenge me in the kitchen?"

Neither woman responded, and Ron looked smug.

"Then we rode the rails, an ancient and honorable manly activity," Drakken continued. "Free spirits through the ages have-"

"Or at least since the invention of the railroad," Kim interjected.

"Men have written books about riding the rails. Life in the rough, learning what survival is about."

Shego snorted, "I think most of your 'free spirits' have been tramps, hobos, and bums."

"And we found a lost valley with British mobsters…" Ron told Kim. "Hey, I need to call Global Justice when we get back."

"Was that the Shangri-la thing?" Kim asked.

"Yeah, and-"

"And you and Drakken ran like dogs, right?" Shego laughed.

"Well, yeah," Ron admitted. "Hey, being manly isn't just about fighting you know."

"Obviously, otherwise Kim or I would be twice the man as the two of you together."

"Your sarcasm is totally unbecoming," Drakken replied haughtily. "Then we wrangled wild oxen in the Himalayas and-"

"I'm pretty sure they were domesticated," Ron added as a correction.

"Not the ones who tried to kill me. Hairy, savage beasts, but we wrangled them and-"

"Uh, Doc?"

"Yes, Don?"

"Exactly what does wrangle mean?"

"Er, I don't know exactly what the word means. It was what we were doing though. Driving the wild-"

"Domesticated."

"Wild animals. Rounding up lonesome doggies, making sure no animals strayed from the herd. Protecting them from coyotes and cougars. Like cowboys."

"Or yakboys in this case," Ron suggested.

Shego nearly fell out of the co-pilot's seat with laughter, "Yakboys? Yukboys sounds more like it."

"Doc is right," Ron insisted. "It was a man's job. No women on a cattle, er, yak drive."

"At the end of the drive we used our brains to make a little money and purchased a boat to take us down to civilization. The trip was harrowing, we fought terrible rapids. But we did it with a smile on our lips and courage in our hearts… It was courage in our hearts, right, Roy."

"Courage for sure," Ron seconded.

At the comment about using their brain to make a little money Shego turned to Kim and winked a warning not to say anything at that moment.

"Oh, Ron," Kim called.

"Yes?"

"We were curious. When you were at the little town after driving the yaks?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you buy a canoe instead of getting a pair of bus tickets?"

Both men's jaws dropped open. They turned and started blankly at each other, then turned back to the women. "Bus tickets?"

"Yes, our translator said that was the fastest way out of town."

"Translator? You talked to people there?"

"Yes."

"In the town where we bought the boat?"

"Yes."

"No one, uh, said anything about us, did they?"

"You mean the fact we learned you arrived with the yaks or the fact you bought the boat and headed downstream?"

"Yeah," Ron laughed nervously, with an even more hesitant chuckle from Drakken. "Nothing else happened there. We just arrived and left. Nothing to say. No story at all. Ah, after surviving the rapids we got a little overconfident-"

"Easy to understand given the perils we had conquered," Drakken explained, and exchanged a high five with Ron.

"Absolutely," Ron agreed. "Anyway, we got overconfident and lost the boat, but we swam ashore and Drakken got hailed as a god and then you showed up."

"That's right," Drakken seconded. "Then you arrived."

Shego shook her head, "I still don't see how anyone could mistake Drakken for a god."

"Hey, we were honest. We kept saying, 'He's not a god,' and they kept insisting he was," Ron protested.

Drakken sat up proudly, "I think the mistake was perfectly natural."

"So, what have the two of you been doing?" Ron wanted to know.

"Looking for you," Kim reminded him.

"It still feels weird. You and Shego working together? Did you fight a lot?"

"Almost never," Shego assured him. "Your girl friend follows orders very well."

"Hey!" Kim protested. "It was more like partners."

"Assistant," Shego yawned. "You were the assistant." She turned back to Ron, "Remember, we've got a truce going until I get the two of you back to Middleton."

"Then it's back to enemies as usual?" Ron asked.

"Exactly."

Kim giggled, "Well, not exactly. We're sisters now."

Drakken and Ron looked blankly at each other, "You're sisters?"

"Honorary," Shego admitted.

"But… But… You won't fight Kim Possible any more for me?"

"Of course I'll fight her. What kind of stupid question is that?"

"But you said you were sisters!"

"Did I ever tell you about the time I hit Hego with Dad's Buick?"

"I don't see-" Drakken began.

"Accidents can happen to anyone," Kim assured her.

"What do you mean, 'accidents happen'? I hit the jerk on purpose."

"You drove a car into your brother, on purpose?" Ron repeated.

"There seems to be an echo in here," Shego snorted. "Probably from the empty place in your skull. He told Dad I was dating a creep. So I hit him with the Buick."

"Were you dating a creep?" Kim wanted to know.

"Well, yeah. But I only dated the creep to drive Hego crazy. Then he had to go rat me out to Dad."

"You hit your brother with your Dad's car, on purpose," Ron repeated again.

"Did you hurt him?"

"Why are you concerned for Hego?"

"You hit him with a car!"

"Didn't hurt him a bit. Totaled the car - Dad was really pissed about that. I hit my head, must have been unconscious for half an hour. Do I get a bit of sympathy?"

"No. You did it to yourself."

"It's all that jerk Hego's fault."

"I still don't see your point," Drakken sputtered.

"The point is, if I'm willing to hit my brother with a car I'm still perfectly happy to punch out the lights on Princess here."

"Oh yeah, like you've ever manage that," Kim snorted.

"All the time, Pumpkin. You're my favorite punching bag."

"You're the one who keeps ending up in jail."

"And who keeps ending up in Drakken's lame deathtraps after I capture her?"

"I beat you all the time."

"In your dreams doesn't count."

"I'm not talking about your so-called wins."

As the women quarreled Drakken turned to Ron. "I can't believe it. Those two are acting like friends."

"Worse," Ron groaned, "they're acting like sisters."

"I've known sisters. They fight all the time."

"Well, look at them now."

Drakken eyed the pair for a minute. "I'm so glad the two of us managed to keep our dignity," he sighed.

"Uh, Kim? Shego?" Ron called, "Truce, remember?"

"Sorry, Ron," Kim called. "You're right."

"Was that pretty much how the two of you got along?"

"We did better while we were looking for you. There was a lot of stress because we were both worried and-"

"I wasn't worried," Shego interrupted.

"Well, whatever Shego was feeling, or denying she felt, I think we just went back to normal mode now that you're safe."

"Shego was right," Drakken boasted. "No need for worry. We were men, off having an adventure."

"Manly adventure," Ron corrected.

"Manly adventure," Drakken continued. "Life on the road. Living by our wits, getting tough, manly jobs, as we needed them. Riding the rails. You women couldn't have managed."

"Princess and I would have found a bus, or made a call and not needed to travel half-way across Asia looking for someone to save us before a disappointed mob tore us apart in religious frenzy."

"I got to agree with Doc," Ron argued. "Manly road trip. You and Kim flew around in the hovercraft, probably dined out on credit cards and stayed at four star hotels."

"Most of the places we stayed weren't four star," Kim protested.

"Well the places Doc and I stayed were no star at all-"

"Except for the stars over our heads as we roughed it," Drakken said.

"Exactly," Ron agreed.

"You two were damn lucky," Shego snarled. "You're babes in the woods. Drakken lost his credit card to a cheap swindler in-"

"How do you know that?" Drakken wanted to know.

"Doesn't matter. You two were lucky, pure and simple. Doofus here was the pure," Shego said, pointing to Ron. She pointed to Drakken, "And you're simple."

"And you're jealous because you know we're right. It was manly adventure. If you dropped the two of us, and the two of you, on identical desert islands, Roy and I would build a hut and live off steamed crabs and coconut shakes. You and Kim Possible wouldn't even be able to decide where to build a shelter and would surrender to the fact we men are superior. Desert islands as fifty paces, we could out-survive you with our eyes closed."

"Or a round the world trip," Ron said excitedly. "You don't get your credit cards or the hovercraft. Just the two teams seeing who can get around the world first."

"But the two of you don't get Rufus," Kim said. "If we did the world trip. Which we won't."

"What do you mean, no Rufus," Ron protested, "he's part of me."

"The brain," Shego suggested.

"It would be two against two, not two against three," Kim repeated.

"Ah, man! That tanks."

In Ron's pocket a mole rat breathed a sigh of relief.

"And it would be a piece of cake for us," Shego laughed. "I knock over a bank and take enough money for-"

"No," Kim told her firmly. "No bank robbing."

"You see," Drakken chuckled, "the two of you would be fighting continually while Don and circled the globe, meeting interesting people and having adventures."

"Manly adventures," Ron finished.

Kim turned to Shego, "I'm almost tempted to take the challenge."

"But not really, right?"

"Of course not, we're too smart for that."

Ron turned to Drakken, "Now that the road trip's over, what are your plans?"

"Back to plotting take over the world," Drakken chuckled.

"You may have a little trouble getting anyone to take you seriously," Shego warned him.

"Why? What do you mean?"

"Kim, now's the time to show them the video clip."

The cheerleader nodded and found the video, then handed it to Drakken. Ron leaned over to watch the small screen. The two men blanched in horror as they watched the video. "Where… Where did you get this?" Drakken croaked.

"Youtube," Kim told them. "You went viral, almost a million hits last time I looked."

"How is that possible?" Ron groaned. "I'll bet everyone at school saw it."

"Apparently the people in that town weren't as backward as you thought. Someone took the video on their cell phone and uploaded it to the web. Nobody's going to take a plan to take over the world seriously if they've seen that."

Drakken though for a minute. She was right. "Okay, taking over the world can wait. Next plan… An Internet virus which will destroy every copy of that video which exists."

"I'll ask Wade to help," Ron promised.

"Oh, while you're working on erasing the evidence of your manliness," Shego yawned, "I'm taking the hovercraft to France for a day or two… Might stay for a couple weeks of vacation if the weather is nice."

"I predict the _weather_ will be _very_ nice in France next month," Kim informed Drakken.

"No promises," Shego told her firmly.

Drakken was lost, "How can you predict the weather in France next month?"

While Drakken contemplated the mystery Kim held her hand up to her head, the middle three fingers curled in a fist with the thumb sticking up and held to her ear with the little finger extended like a mouthpiece on a phone, "Call me," she mouthed silently.

The women traded off flying duties on the trip. As they neared the Middleton area, however, "Let's stop at a restaurant in Upperton," Kim suggested. "The truce is over when we get home. We need to eat before that."

"The Upperton Bueno Nacho?" Ron asked hopefully.

"No, Ron, a real restaurant-"

"See," Drakken interrupted, "I told you Tex-Mex doesn't count."

"Chez Antoine, the most expensive restaurant in the tri-city area."

"Look, Pumpkin, I just want to drop you off so the truce is over. I want to spend a night in my own bed."

"I'm buying."

"I guess we could stop for an hour or so."

"Leave your credit card in the hovercraft," Kim reminded Shego. "I owe you; so it's my treat."

Drakken responded to Kim's offer by ordering the double lobster and filet mignon dinner. Shego settled for a large t-bone.

As they waited for the meals to arrive Shego looked at Kim and smiled, "Almost been good having you as a little sister."

"Yeah," Kim laughed. "Emphasis on the almost."

The green woman turned to Ron, "And if I hear any more stories about you abusing my little sister I'm gonna come looking for you - and it won't be pretty."

"What are you talking about?" Ron sputtered. "I'd never abuse Kim!"

"Asking her to say she was twelve. Having her watch you play the giant claw machine. Toothbrush for Valentine's Day… Any of that sound familiar?"

"The toothbrush was for National Dental Health Month!"

"When did you give it to her?"

"I don't-"

"WHEN!"

"February fourteenth."

"Give her a frilly Valentine? Chocolates? Roses?"

"Uh, no."

"You gave her a toothbrush for Valentine's Day. Now I offered to break both your legs for you abusing her like that, but Princess here stood up for you, claimed you were new to the boyfriend game. She begged for me to give you a second chance." Shego cracked her knuckles. "You're on your second chance now. I hear another story about giant claw machines, claiming she's twelve or blowing her off to play a new video game with some buddy you'll be on two casts, clear?"

Ron gulped, "Clear."

"And to make it up to her… I don't know… Maybe let her pick the next four movies."

"But she'll pick chick flicks!" Ron protested.

"I hear getting around on crutches is a real pain for a long time."

Ron turned to Kim, "Want to catch a movie this weekend? Your choice?"

The redhead smiled radiantly at her boyfriend. "That would be wonderful! Very thoughtful and considerate. You deserve a big kiss for-"

"Not now," Shego warned them, "Waiter's here with our food and I don't want you two killing my appetite."

As the waiter set their meals down Kim caught Shego's eye and silently mouthed, _"Thanks."_

As the meal drew towards the close Kim announced, "I want to talk with Ron for a minute, privately."

"Can't it wait until you get back to the couch in your living room? We're done here."

"I want to talk with him now. Why don't you two order dessert."

"I'm not hungry," Shego answered.

"I think I still have room for a slice of cheesecake," Drakken commented.

"Fine," Shego sighed. "I'll have a cup of coffee."

Shego was on her second cup, and Kim and Ron had still not returned when the waiter approached the table with the bill and a note from Kim.

Shego,  
I called Wade and he got a ride to Ron's for the  
two of us. I called my Mom, she has the steaks  
for you at my house. I'm stiffing you for the  
bill. Is that evil enough for you? Please, please  
please?  
Kim

Shego stared at the note in disbelief for a minute, then started to laugh.

"What is it?" Drakken demanded.

"Princess is keeping a promise to me. She's stiffing you for the bill."

"Stiffing me? But I don't have a-"

"You can pay me back." Shego smiled, "There's hope for that kid. I need to go out to the hovercraft and… Damn! She'd better not have taken my credit card or you'll be washing dishes for a week."

-The End-


End file.
